IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisement tell us about new product that may improve our lives. Which view do you agree or disagree?

#people #advertisement #product #lives
There is no denying the fact that big companies let us buy things we do not need
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
While
 it is a commonly held belief that maybe it is beneficial to have a new
product
 in your
life
, there is
also
 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that having any type of
product
 could increase our
life
 experience.
To begin
 with, if we need to achieve the best
life
 experience we need tools to make it more better.
In other words
, if I am in the work and I forgot to close the lights I can close it
while
 I am in the work.
In addition
, storing the
product
 and sell in the future could make you rich.
For example
, King Mohammed used to store everything he had until he realized that if he sold everything he had maybe he
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 be A King. Another point to consider, the products that companies try to advertise
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to us will make our
life
 more easier and faster. It is
also
 possible to say that if you
in
Add a missing verb
are in
show examples
hurry
Correct article usage
a hurry
show examples
 and you can not cook the food maybe you can put it in a machine and it will cook itself.
Moreover
, many students around the world may struggle with English words and they can not understand
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 so they buy a
product
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 translate everything.
For instance
, The Ultimate English Translate is the best
product
 I have ever known it makes me understand any topic just by passing it around the word and it will translate it into Arabic. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that buying anything from the internet must go back to us with a beneficial thing in the future.
Submitted by bcynfn159 on

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task response
Your essay addresses the prompt well and presents a clear opinion. However, ensure that your ideas are more fully developed with clear explanations and examples. For example, expand on how storing products and selling them can lead to wealth.
coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more transition words and phrases to clearly link your ideas. This will help guide the reader smoothly from one point to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay opens with a clear introduction and closes with a strong conclusion. You have managed to present your opinion and wrap it up satisfactorily.
task response
You provide specific examples to illustrate your points, such as the example of King Mohammed and the Ultimate English Translator. This makes your essay more persuasive and relatable.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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