IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Parents should be punished for the crimes of their children. To what extent do you agree?

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Nowadays, an increasing number of youngsters are participating in illegal activities.
As a result
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, it is suggested that mothers and fathers should face punishment for their offspring’s wrongdoings.
However
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, I do not support
this
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 idea. To commence, I assert that the youths are the culprits who should take the largest responsibility for the offences. Clearly, the
children
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 are individuals who should have critical thinking skills to determine the appropriate behaviours.
Parents
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,
although
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 having part of the responsibility to guide them, cannot control how their sons or daughters behave.
Therefore
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, the youngsters should undertake the cost if they violate the
law
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.
Also
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, they should understand their mistakes by punishing them, but not their families.
Furthermore
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, I
also
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 consider that punishment of
parents
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 cannot solve the root cause of the crimes of their offspring. Undoubtedly, the neglecting parenting style may contribute to the misbehaviour of young individuals. More importantly, peer influence may even worsen the situation,
thus
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 making them break the
law
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due to
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 their immature mindset.
Therefore
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, some may contribute to
this
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 reason and think that
parents
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 should be punished.
However
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, punishing
parents
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 does not address the fact that
children
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 must learn accountability for their actions.
On the other hand
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, I think the fundamental solution to the crimes of the
children
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 should be the correction of their actions
instead
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 of blaming their
parents
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. Only if the
children
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 are well-educated by the
law
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 and recognize their misbehaviours can they turn over a new leaf in the future.
For instance
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, engaging
children
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 through interactive methods,
such
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 as role-playing or discussions with
law
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 enforcement professionals, can help them grasp complex legal concepts in a relatable way. In conclusion, I believe
parents
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 should not be punished for their
children
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's crimes. The
children
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 themselves are the primary offenders responsible for their actions, and punishing
parents
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 does not address the root causes of these offences.
Instead
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, the focus should be on correcting the
children
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's behaviour rather than placing punishment on their
parents
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.

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task achievement
Try to enhance your task achievement score by including more specific and varied examples to illustrate your points. While your argument is clear and convincing, additional examples could give your ideas even more depth and support.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider range of linking words to enhance the flow between sentences and ideas. Your current structure is effective, but varied connectors can add to the sophistication of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, and each paragraph logically follows the previous one. This indicates a strong coherence and cohesion throughout your writing.
task achievement
You present clear and comprehensive ideas, addressing the task effectively. Your response is insightful and demonstrates a thorough understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • accountability
  • responsibility
  • supervision
  • guidance
  • child development
  • maturity
  • societal influences
  • environmental factors
  • criminal behavior
  • legal implications
  • ethical considerations
  • unjust punishment
  • educational programs
  • support systems
  • youth crime prevention
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