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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think people can exploit animals for any purpose they need, while others do not think so. Discuss both sides and give your opinion?

#people #animals #purpose
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In the past, other creatures in
this
 world below humans tended to be subject to their needs, and it is often argued that
animals
 should be traded to meet
people
's demands for goods or services,
while
 some individuals believed it shouldn't be.
This
 essay will discuss both views and give my own opinion. To commence with,
animals
 were the common subject to meet human needs because it has a lot of features that are suitable for
people
.
Although
, some
people
 will think
that is
 animal cruelty sometimes it is
also
 for the betterment of some
animals
.
For instance
, sheep wool is a very versatile natural material, which makes it a perfect candidate for all kinds of applications in the textile industry, and it is used to produce binnies, scarves, and garments. So, the process is what we call wool shearing,
as a result
 of that, the sheep will have a new smooth wool in the future.
Secondly
, other
people
 think that exploiting
animals
 should not be allowed because it is against to Animal Welfare Act, and is animal abuse.
Moreover
,
people
 tend to abuse their power and sometimes
use
 it on helpless creatures.
For example
, in some nations eating dogs is still a custom,
this
 animal is not for food but
people
 still do it. In my opinion, alternatives should be studied to lessen the
use
 of
animals
 for human
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
show examples
.
Due to
 overexploitation may lead to potential environmental consequences.
Therefore
, individuals should be responsible have some empathy towards
animals
, and
use
 other resources to meet their needs and wants. In conclusion, the balance between the
use
 of
animals
 should be observed for the betterment of society.
In addition
, the Government should take action to ensure the welfare of the
animals
.
Submitted by alyssa.cordero22 on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure all points are fully developed with clear explanations and examples. Improve the transition between ideas in paragraphs for better flow.
task achievement
Check for minor grammatical errors and rephrase complex sentences to avoid ambiguity. Keep ideas concise and clear.
overall
Good attempt at addressing both sides of the argument and presenting a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively present and summarize the topic well.
task achievement
Relevant examples, like the one about wool-shearing, help illustrate the points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Exploitation
  • Dominion
  • Medical research
  • Ethical considerations
  • Animal rights
  • Humane treatment
  • Environmental consequences
  • Sustainable farming
  • Cruelty-free
  • Technological advancements
  • Lab-grown meat
  • Computer modeling
  • Cultural context
  • Animal welfare
  • Empathy
  • Responsible stewardship
  • Alternatives
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