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Writing Samples
Band 8

All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both adults and children. What are the reasons and what can be done?

#world #societies #obesity #adults #children
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In our modern society, obesity is becoming one of the most common issues among both young and elderly
people
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. In
this
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 essay, I will highlight primary reasons
as well as
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 possible solutions to
this
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 tendency.
To begin
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 with, these days more and more individuals tend to consume junk food rather than healthy meals, which causes fatness, diabetes and other diseases. I mean that fast food products contain plenty of proteins, sugar, fat and other harmful nutrients which make
people
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 become addicted to eating them. Another reason is that the majority of humans, particularly middle-aged and elderly
people
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 lack mobility in their daily lives.
For instance
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, most Americans do not normally fulfil their household chores thanks to modern technology.
Furthermore
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, they are used to consuming something, especially snacks
while
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 watching TV, driving, walking and so on.
As a result
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, it is increasingly common for them to become overweight. When it comes to its solutions, first of all, a person should follow a healthy diet in order to keep in shape. To illustrate
this
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 view, individuals who lead healthy lifestyles are expected to live longer compared to those who are obsessed with unhealthy eating habits.
Therefore
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, maintaining a balance in consumption enables us to be fit
as well as
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 strengthens our mental capacity.
That is
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 why,
people
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 should cook their traditional dishes at home
instead
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 of eating out.
In addition
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, activeness plays a crucial role in preventing obesity among both adults and youngsters. To take an example, doing sports is a vital way of leading a healthy lifestyle. In conclusion, obesity is an irrefutable threat to our lives, so we ought to eat properly
as well as
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 promote physical activities in our daily routine.
Submitted by saydusmonovasomiddin94 on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples or statistics to strengthen your argument. For instance, quoting specific studies or surveys on obesity rates linked to junk food consumption could make your points more compelling.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph clearly transitions into the next for smoother flow, aiding reader comprehension. While the essay is logically structured, using transitional phrases like 'On the other hand' or 'Additionally' can enhance coherence.
task achievement
The essay effectively identifies and examines major causes of obesity such as junk food consumption and lack of physical activity among adults and children.
coherence and cohesion
The writer includes a well-structured introduction and conclusion that effectively frame the discussion on obesity and the proposed solutions, providing a solid starting and ending point.
task achievement
Maintaining a balanced diet and promoting physical activities are well-presented as solutions, with explanations that support their effectiveness in combating obesity.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • prevalence
  • processed food
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • calories
  • nutrition education
  • balanced diet
  • socio-economic factors
  • public health organizations
  • subsidies
  • regulating
  • marketing
  • awareness campaigns
  • physical activity
  • healthy lifestyle
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