The growing numbers of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Their
is a huge Replace the word
There
tention
on the health care system to manage the obesity medical problems Correct your spelling
tension
due to
the raising
numbers of obese. It is argued some citizens believe that to reduce Correct your spelling
rising
this
apperance
we should Correct your spelling
appearance
emphasis
Replace the word
emphasise
on
physical education lessons in the Change preposition
apply
school
curriculum whereas
other
do not. In my Fix the agreement mistake
others
opinion
I do not completely agree with the nation Add a comma
opinion,
due to
several factors.
On one
hand, increasing the physical Correct article usage
the one
lesson
at Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
school
show
a crucial effect on Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
the
overwheight Correct article usage
apply
solving-problems
. Correct your spelling
problems
However
, their is a several factors can
highly affect Correct pronoun usage
that can
this phenomena
Change the determiner
this phenomenon
these phenomena
such
as the lowering of junk foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
costes
. Correct your spelling
costs
Moreover
, the low prices of fast foods facilitate the
Correct article usage
apply
people
Change noun form
people's
purcheses
. In order if we higher the amount of junk Correct your spelling
purchases
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
this
will help to decline
the number Verb problem
decrease
people
Change preposition
of people
choose
it as a meal. Correct pronoun usage
who choose
Furthermore
, it is more convenient to the citizens to grap
a fast food meal rather than preparing a healthy one.
Correct your spelling
grab
grasp
On the other hand
, The number of social physical
Correct word choice
and physical
activity
provided by Fix the agreement mistake
activities
the
health Correct article usage
apply
companys
will encourage Correct your spelling
companies
people
to join it
. In some Correct pronoun usage
them
instences
, increasing citizen knowledge through active exercise or competition will show a significant impact on Correct your spelling
instances
people
health. Change noun form
people's
Furthermore
, the awarenece
level of Correct your spelling
awareness
the
all generations can Remove the article
apply
highly
affected Add a missing verb
be highly
with
Change preposition
by
the
physical social activities. Correct article usage
apply
While
increasing the number of physical lessen
on Correct your spelling
lesson
school
curriculum is limited on
children and adolescents.
Change preposition
to
To conclude
, the improntantce
of physical Correct your spelling
importance
lesson
at Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
school
plays a significant role in the reduction of obese
.Replace the word
obesity
However
Add a comma
However,
their
Replace the word
there
is
several factors Correct subject-verb agreement
are
have
the same Correct pronoun usage
that have
importantce
Correct your spelling
importance
such
as the
education through social competition and decreasing the amount of junk food.Correct article usage
apply
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structure
The essay provides a well-developed introduction and conclusion that clearly state the writer's position.
range
Attempted to cover multiple aspects of the issue, showing a good range of ideas and understanding of the topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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