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Writing Samples
Band 7

The table and pie chart give information about the population in Australia according to different nationalities and areas.

The table and pie chart give information about the population in Australia according to different nationalities and areas.
#information #population #australia #nationalities #areas
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The table and pie chart illustrate the proportion of six nationalities in
Australia
Use synonyms
's population.
Overall
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, the native citizens dominate the distribution.
Moreover
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, in all 5 countries, the
percentages
Fix the agreement mistake
percentage
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 of
people
Use synonyms
 who live in cities
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 much higher than in the countryside. Looking at the pie chart, 73% of
Australia
Use synonyms
's inhabitants are Australian, which is
also
Linking Words
 the highest among all nationalities.
Linking Words
While the
Correct word choice
The
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 number of
people
Use synonyms
 coming from the Netherlands, China, and New Zealand is 1%, 2%, and 3%, respectively.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, 14% of
Australia
Use synonyms
's population originates from other countries.
This
Linking Words
 figure is double the number of
people
Use synonyms
 coming from England.
According to
Linking Words
 the table, 80% of Australians live in urban areas, which is 4 times higher than the number of individuals who live in rural areas. A similar trend can be seen in the proportion of British and Dutch in
Australia
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, with more than 80% residing in the city and less than 20% staying in the countryside.
Finally
Linking Words
, the population ratios of
Chinese
Correct your spelling
China
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 and New Zealand are similar, with more than 90% of
people
Use synonyms
 living in cities and less than 10% in the countryside.
Submitted by ieltsamiedu on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words australia, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic data
  • population distribution
  • nationality groups
  • urban planning
  • cultural diversity
  • social policy
  • demographic trends
  • rural vs. urban distribution
  • reflect on the implications
  • cultural exchange
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