IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people are now opting to provide technology companies with their personal data in exchange for access to software. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, most people are willing to share their personal
data
Use synonyms
 with technology
companies
Use synonyms
 in order to use their software. Even though
such
Linking Words
 behaviour has its advantages like reduced cost of purchase for
users
Use synonyms
 and low legal complications for the organizations, I believe the disadvantages like the risk of fraud and invasion of privacy outweigh its benefits. One advantage of voluntary sharing of personal
data
Use synonyms
 by
users
Use synonyms
 to technology service providers is that it ensures
users
Use synonyms
 enjoy a reduced price for purchasing the product. Often, these
companies
Use synonyms
 provide their customers with huge discounts on their service fees only if the
users
Use synonyms
 decide to share their personal information with them.
This
Linking Words
, sometimes brings down the cost,
as a result
Linking Words
,
users
Use synonyms
 can use the software, even for free. Another advantage of
such
Linking Words
 a
user
Use synonyms
 scenario is that it allows
companies
Use synonyms
 to skip the legal complications of getting
this
Linking Words
 personal information. Frequently, corporations get into compliance battles with regulatory authorities to defend the acquisition of customer's personal
data
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, Mark Zuckerberg, Facebook's CEO, was sued by many
users
Use synonyms
 and the US government for its unethical ways of acquiring
user
Use synonyms
data
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 kind of transaction can
also
Linking Words
 result in an increase in cyber fraud. More often than not, the personal
data
Use synonyms
 shared by consumers have critical
data
Use synonyms
 like bank accounts and identification numbers. Going forward, if these organisations' servers and databases are hacked,
then
Linking Words
 all
this
Linking Words
 private information may fall into the wrong hands, thereby increasing the chances of
internet
Use synonyms
 crimes.
Secondly
Linking Words
, customers do not even read terms and agreements properly
while
Linking Words
 signing up for
such
Linking Words
 an agreement,
this
Linking Words
 allows tech
companies
Use synonyms
 to track
user
Use synonyms
data
Use synonyms
 and their online journeys across multiple platforms, resulting in invasion of privacy.
For example
Linking Words
, websites asking for permissions related to
internet
Use synonyms
 browser cookies have a tendency to track
user
Use synonyms
 journeys across the
internet
Use synonyms
, right from the moment these
users
Use synonyms
 agreed to the conditions.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, I believe the disadvantages outweigh its advantages. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 voluntary opt-in by
users
Use synonyms
 to share their personal with tech
companies
Use synonyms
 reduces consumer purchase costs and corporations' legal hurdles, I believe the risk of
internet
Use synonyms
 crimes and tracking of
user
Use synonyms
 footprint throughout the
internet
Use synonyms
 outweighs its positives.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the task by discussing both advantages and disadvantages. However, to boost your score, try to balance the discussion more equally by elaborating a bit more on each advantage.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear and comprehensive. For an even higher score, ensure that each point you make is consistently expanded and exemplified. This will enhance the depth of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a more varied vocabulary and sentence structure. Try to use a mix of simple and complex sentences, and incorporate more advanced vocabulary where appropriate.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic.
task achievement
You provide relevant and specific examples to support your points, which strengthens your arguments. For example, mentioning Mark Zuckerberg and Facebook adds credibility to your discussion.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical flow to your writing, and your main ideas are well-supported, making your essay easy to follow and understand.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: