IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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In contemporary society, there are some
sports
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such
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 as football, boxing, and rugby which strike or tackle as
such
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it is clear that
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 these activities cause
people
Use synonyms
 joining to get dangerous or injured.
Therefore
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,
while
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 some
people
Use synonyms
 think they should have the freedom to do what they want, others think that
governments
Use synonyms
 should ban these
sports
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both sides of the controversy, and my opinion will be provided. On the one hand, advocates of
this
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 perspective believe that the
governments
Use synonyms
 should ban perilous activities like basketball
due to
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 danger from there. It is obvious that there is a high rate of
people
Use synonyms
 who suffer injury from playing
sports
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 year after year because when they perform in a game, they have to do everything to win.
For example
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, a boxing player has to hit another player to win, so
people
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 who lose in
this
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 game definitely get hurt.
Moreover
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, individuals getting hurt have to recover and spend a lot of time,
in other words
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,
instead
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 of using the time to do what they want,
people
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 have to waste time to recuperate.
For
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this
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 reason, the
governments
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 should ban these
sports
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.
On the other hand
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, despite the many advantages of banning dangerous activities, there are a number of negative aspects that cannot be ignored. The important is that disappearance of the
sports
Use synonyms
 like rugby, can bring about disadvantages
such
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 as some companies involved in
this
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 issue bankrupt, and academies or
sports
Use synonyms
 clubs no longer operating.
As a result
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, the vanishments of games like football have bad effects on nations. In conclusion, some individuals believe that
governments
Use synonyms
 should prevent
people
Use synonyms
 from doing dangerous
sports
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,
whereas
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 many think
people
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 deserve the freedom to play. In my view, I think that
people
Use synonyms
 have to accept the risk of playing.

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structure
Ensure that the introduction adequately paraphrases the prompt and includes a clear thesis statement reflecting the essay's direction.
cohesion
Use a variety of cohesive devices and transition words to show a clear relationship between ideas, and ensure they are used appropriately.
content
Support main points with relevant, detailed, and specific examples. Avoid general or unrelated examples that do not strengthen your argument.
task response
Address all parts of the task, and ensure you include a balanced discussion for both views, as well as a clear personal opinion.
repetition
Be cautious of repeating the same points; aim to present unique ideas or perspectives in each paragraph.
paragraph development
Develop paragraphs fully. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, followed by supporting sentences that develop that idea.
accuracy
Avoid inaccuracies and contradictions. Ensure your argument is consistent and logical.
terminology
Pay attention to the accuracy of the language related to the essay topic. Sports terminology should be used correctly.
grammar
Check the essay for grammatical range and accuracy. Use a variety of sentence structures and avoid errors that can impede meaning.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • severe injuries
  • fatalities
  • base jumping
  • bull running
  • extreme skiing
  • safeguard
  • well-being
  • regulating
  • avoidable harm
  • healthcare costs
  • burdening
  • personal freedom
  • autonomy
  • training
  • equipment
  • mitigated
  • personal satisfaction
  • mental health benefits
  • resilience
  • adventure
  • assess risks
  • public safety
  • unnecessary healthcare costs
  • outright bans
  • balanced approach
  • stringent safety standards
  • mandatory training sessions
  • adequately informed
  • safeguarding
  • public health
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