IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Many people believe that cigarette smoking has had a negative impact for far too long and the only solution to end it is to make cigarettes illegal worldwide. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #cigarette #impact #cigarettes
Nowadays, cigarette smoking is seemingly increasing and it causes urgent health problems.
For
this
 reason, most people hold the view that cigarette has to be forbidden. I partially agree with
this
 idea and I will elaborate my arguments in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, l accept that using cigarettes should be illegal because of its danger. It is claimed that smoking can cause serious health issues
due to
 nicotine,
such
 as cancer which is the main problem of modern medicine. To illustrate, research shows that every year more than three thousand patients die from cancer and it shows the detrimental consequences of smoking.
Furthermore
, smoking affects not only active smokers but
also
 non-smokers.
For instance
, doctors claim that they are more likely to get respiratory diseases and heart illnesses. For these reasons, the law about the prohibition of cigarettes should be accepted.
For example
, in the capital of Azerbaijan, smoking is forbidden and it decreases cancer.
On the other hand
, it is
also
 true that prohibition might lead to the rise of black markets which are dangerous for individuals and it makes the condition worse by reducing safety.
For instance
, The New York Times reports that one of these markets is involved in the kidnapping.
Additionally
, quitting smoking is almost impossible because of nicotine which makes consumers addicted. If they quit smoking, they will be more angry or violent and these people would harm others. In conclusion,
although
 I agree that smoking ought to be illegal for healthy humans, I
also
 hold
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 view that cigarettes should not be banned for the public's safety.
Submitted by nezerli.x12 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence
Avoid repetition of ideas and words to maintain reader interest. Try to use a variety of expressions and vocabulary.
cohesion
While your arguments are clear, enhance the progression between them by using more transitional phrases to improve the flow of your essay.
task response
Try to further develop your examples and explanations to make your arguments stronger and more persuasive.
task response
You presented a balanced discussion on both sides of the argument, which demonstrates critical thinking and a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence
Your essay has a clear structure with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your arguments, which helps in illustrating your points effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health hazards
  • cardiovascular diseases
  • addictive nature
  • perpetuating
  • second-hand smoke
  • respiratory problems
  • financial burden
  • healthcare systems
  • astronomical
  • prohibition
  • prevalence
  • underage smoking
  • black markets
  • control and safety regulations
  • education and awareness campaigns
  • smoking cessation programs
  • e-cigarettes
  • vaping
  • harm reduction
  • gateway effects
What to do next:
Look at other essays: