IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The Chart below shows the results of a survey of andult education. The first chart shows the reasons why adults decide to study . The pie chart shows how people think the costs of adult education should be shared.

The Chart below shows the results of a survey of andult education. The first chart shows the reasons why adults decide to study . The pie chart shows how people think the costs of adult education should be shared.
#results #survey #andult #education #first #adults #study #people #costs #adult
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The
chart
Use synonyms
 provides information about the survey results of
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
adult
education
Use synonyms
. The bar
chart
Use synonyms
 illustrates the reasons why adults made a
study
Use synonyms
 decision
while
Linking Words
 the pie
chart
Use synonyms
 shows the appropriate cost of each course that has to be shared.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, 40% of the adults decided to
study
Use synonyms
 because they were interested in the subject which was the major reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their choice. At a similar rate, 38% of them wanted to
study
Use synonyms
 to gain qualifications. Some
people
Use synonyms
 were interested in employment which led 22% of them to get an
education
Use synonyms
ad
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
 12% of the
employess
Correct your spelling
employees
 to help them change
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
.
Same
Add an article
The same
show examples
 proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 wanted to improve prospects of promotion and enjoyed learning at a rate of 20%. Only 9% of the adult students chose to get an
education
Use synonyms
 to meet
people
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, looking closely at the pie
chart
Use synonyms
 we can see that almost half of the
people
Use synonyms
 thought that
costs
Correct article usage
the costs
show examples
 of each course should be used for individuals
while
Linking Words
 35% of them considered that it must be used for employees. Only 25% of the adults answered that it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
needed to be used for
tax payers
Correct your spelling
taxpayers
show examples
. In conclusion, as 40% of the
people
Use synonyms
 who got
adult
Correct article usage
an adult
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 replied on the survey that course funds should be used for individuals, many chose to
study
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 their interest and and
further
Linking Words
 studies.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 thought it should help employees
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
develop their
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 with their job
whereas
Linking Words
 others argued that it must be used for taxpayers so they could enjoy meeting new
people
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by wjddbs2206 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 71%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, education, study, people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: