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Band 4.5

The Chart below shows the results of a survey of andult education. The first chart shows the reasons why adults decide to study . The pie chart shows how people think the costs of adult education should be shared.

The Chart below shows the results of a survey of andult education. The first chart shows the reasons why adults decide to study . The pie chart shows how people think the costs of adult education should be shared.
#results #survey #andult #education #first #adults #study #people #costs #adult
The
chart
 provides information about the survey results of
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
adult
education
. The bar
chart
 illustrates the reasons why adults made a
study
 decision
while
 the pie
chart
 shows the appropriate cost of each course that has to be shared.
To begin
 with, 40% of the adults decided to
study
 because they were interested in the subject which was the major reason
of
Change preposition
for
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 their choice. At a similar rate, 38% of them wanted to
study
 to gain qualifications. Some
people
 were interested in employment which led 22% of them to get an
education
ad
Correct your spelling
and
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 12% of the
employess
Correct your spelling
employees
 to help them change
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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.
Same
Add an article
The same
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 proportion of
people
 wanted to improve prospects of promotion and enjoyed learning at a rate of 20%. Only 9% of the adult students chose to get an
education
 to meet
people
.
Secondly
, looking closely at the pie
chart
 we can see that almost half of the
people
 thought that
costs
Correct article usage
the costs
show examples
 of each course should be used for individuals
while
 35% of them considered that it must be used for employees. Only 25% of the adults answered that it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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needed to be used for
tax payers
Correct your spelling
taxpayers
show examples
. In conclusion, as 40% of the
people
 who got
adult
Correct article usage
an adult
show examples
education
 replied on the survey that course funds should be used for individuals, many chose to
study
due to
 their interest and and
further
 studies.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 thought it should help employees
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
develop their
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 with their job
whereas
 others argued that it must be used for taxpayers so they could enjoy meeting new
people
.
Submitted by wjddbs2206 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 71%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, education, study, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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