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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The Chart below shows the results of a survey of andult education. The first chart shows the reasons why adults decide to study . The pie chart shows how people think the costs of adult education should be shared.

The Chart below shows the results of a survey of andult education. The first chart shows the reasons why adults decide to study . The pie chart shows how people think the costs of adult education should be shared.
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The
chart
Use synonyms
 provides information about the survey results of
an
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apply
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adult
education
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. The bar
chart
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 illustrates the reasons why adults made a
study
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 decision
while
Linking Words
 the pie
chart
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 shows the appropriate cost of each course that has to be shared.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, 40% of the adults decided to
study
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 because they were interested in the subject which was the major reason
of
Change preposition
for
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 their choice. At a similar rate, 38% of them wanted to
study
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 to gain qualifications. Some
people
Use synonyms
 were interested in employment which led 22% of them to get an
education
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ad
Correct your spelling
and
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 12% of the
employess
Correct your spelling
employees
 to help them change
the
Correct article usage
apply
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job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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.
Same
Add an article
The same
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 proportion of
people
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 wanted to improve prospects of promotion and enjoyed learning at a rate of 20%. Only 9% of the adult students chose to get an
education
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 to meet
people
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
, looking closely at the pie
chart
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 we can see that almost half of the
people
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 thought that
costs
Correct article usage
the costs
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 of each course should be used for individuals
while
Linking Words
 35% of them considered that it must be used for employees. Only 25% of the adults answered that it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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needed to be used for
tax payers
Correct your spelling
taxpayers
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. In conclusion, as 40% of the
people
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 who got
adult
Correct article usage
an adult
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education
Use synonyms
 replied on the survey that course funds should be used for individuals, many chose to
study
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due to
Linking Words
 their interest and and
further
Linking Words
 studies.
Linking Words
However
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However,
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 some
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
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 thought it should help employees
to
Verb problem
apply
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develop their
skill
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skills
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 with their job
whereas
Linking Words
 others argued that it must be used for taxpayers so they could enjoy meeting new
people
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.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 71%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, education, study, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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