IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Multinational companies are becoming increasingly common in developing countries. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

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More and more multinational corporations are expanding into developing nations.
Such
Linking Words
 a development has advantages like economic
growth
Use synonyms
 and a rise in employment opportunities. It
also
Linking Words
 has disadvantages like loss of cultural values and environmental degradation. Large organizations setting up their businesses in developing countries is followed by the financial
growth
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 of these nations. As they deploy more money to buy plots and construct their offices, the earnings of the government
increases
Change the verb form
increase
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as a result
Linking Words
, thereby contributing to economic
growth
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
, multinational
companies
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 fuel more employment opportunities for native
people
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, because the cost of recruiting local
people
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 is lower compared to bringing workers from overseas, thereby increasing job vacancies.
For example
Linking Words
, Apple Inc. has opened its manufacturing hub for iPhones and iPads in Tamil Nadu, a state in India, which
lead
Wrong verb form
led
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 to the hiring of more
people
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 from the state. One of the disadvantages of
such
Linking Words
 a development is that
people
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 leave behind their cultural roots to live a capitalistic life.
This
Linking Words
 results in the depletion of local cultures and value systems. Another disadvantage is the rise in environmental degradation. With the increase in large
companies
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, more areas are required for constructing offices, which in turn comes at the cost of deforestation and dust pollution.
For instance
Linking Words
, Mumbai, a city in India, has experienced a high air-quality index for the
last
Linking Words
 15 years, after large financial
companies
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 started building their offices there. In conclusion, there is an increasing trend of multinational
companies
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 expanding their businesses in developing nations.
This
Linking Words
 is a welcoming development because it contributes to economic
growth
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 and increases employment opportunities, but comes at the cost of depletion of the local culture and the environment.

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task achievement
Your essay could benefit from a more explicit thesis statement that outlines the main points you are going to discuss. This would help the reader follow your argument more easily.
coherence cohesion
Although your points are clearly structured, consider using more varied linking words and phrases to enhance cohesion between paragraphs and sentences. For instance, instead of 'Additionally,' you could use 'Moreover,' or 'Furthermore.'
task achievement
You provide a very balanced discussion of both the advantages and disadvantages of multinational companies in developing countries, which clearly addresses the task.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured with clear paragraphs that each focus on a single main idea. This helps the reader follow your argument.
task achievement
The inclusion of specific examples, such as Apple Inc. in Tamil Nadu and environmental degradation in Mumbai, greatly strengthens your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Globalization
  • Multinational corporations (MNCs)
  • Foreign direct investment (FDI)
  • Developing economies
  • Infrastructure development
  • Capacity building
  • Cultural diversity
  • Sustainability
  • Corporate social responsibility (CSR)
  • Technological transfer
  • Economic disparity
  • Market saturation
  • Brain drain
  • Indigenous industries
  • Expatriate management
  • Trade imbalance
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