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Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, students live at home with a family while they study at university, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do the advantages of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #students #home #study #university #city
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It is true that there are many countries where
the
Correct article usage
apply
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younger people
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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study at university, and they are living with their parents,
whereas
, some adults who are living abroad and studying there live without their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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. So, there is a problem with choosing one of
this
 kind of education where you need more experience.
Advantage
Replace the word
On the other
show examples
 side, we need to consider the fact that studying in another city gives a chance for
students
 to explore themselves in many ways.
Also
,
this
 opportunity gives
students
 more job skills and makes them feel more confident and
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
motivated.
Nevertheless
, being independent can help
students
 to develop their knowledge and experience.That’s why in
this
 case I can see only
positive
Correct article usage
the positive
show examples
 side of
this
 experience.
Also
, being abroad makes you get a lot of new friends and colleagues who are more experienced and willing to help you.
However
, the disadvantage
being
Wrong verb form
is that
show examples
 in a foreign country the joy and benefit of spending university life away from home sometimes
comes
Correct subject-verb agreement
come
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 at a considerable price.
Students
, especially those who have never experienced living apart from their families, struggle
getting
Change the verb form
to get
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accustomed to living the new phase of their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 living alone where you don’t know makes you feel lonely and anxious.
For example
: homesickness or loneliness
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 people depressed in another nation.
Conclusion
Change preposition
In conclusion
show examples
, lifestyle outside is good but not for all people. That’s why we should very strongly consider
this
 kind of thing with family and with
your
Correct pronoun usage
our
show examples
 own mental state. In my opinion, the numerous merits that it offers certainly outweigh its temporary downsides.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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task achievement
Try to ensure each idea is fully developed and supported with more detailed examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between ideas, particularly when transitioning between the advantages and disadvantages.
structure
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
Your arguments are relevant to the topic and provide a balanced view of both advantages and disadvantages.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • fosters independence
  • self-reliance
  • essential life skills
  • cultural backgrounds
  • academic performance
  • resilience
  • adaptability
  • financially burdensome
  • homesickness
  • emotional stress
  • mental health
  • familial support
  • isolation and loneliness
  • stable and supportive environment
What to do next:
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