Obesity in children is a serious problem in a number of countries. What are the causes of obesity in children? Discuss the possible alarming effects of this problem in the future.
Nowadays,
children
are prone to Use synonyms
have
Wrong verb form
having
a
serious Correct article usage
apply
disease
. Even, Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
the
disease should attack Correct word choice
though the
the
adultsCorrect article usage
apply
one
, Correct pronoun usage
apply
but
because of unhealthy Correct word choice
apply
lifestyle
, Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
children
must Use synonyms
aware
of many Add a missing verb
be aware
kind
of Change to a plural noun
kinds
illness
. One of Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
crucial
problems that Add an article
the crucial
children
Use synonyms
facing
today is Wrong verb form
face
obesity
. Use synonyms
Obesity
can lead to many other Use synonyms
healthy
issues, Replace the word
health
such
as Linking Words
diabetes
. Use synonyms
This
essay will discuss how unhealthy Linking Words
lifestyle
make Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
children
become overweight and Use synonyms
diabetes
Use synonyms
as
the most negative Correct your spelling
is
impacts
of it.
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
First,
parents Linking Words
are not realize
what they give to their Change the verb form
do not realize
children
and give examples to live in unhealthy daily activities. Use synonyms
For example
, my friend has a kid around three Linking Words
years
old. It can be said that my friend with her husband were not well-educated. So, she gave any kind of food to her daughter which is not good, like excessive sugar, Use synonyms
coffee
, and she did not even give an exclusive breast milk Correct word choice
and coffee
as
long as two Change preposition
for as
years
. Use synonyms
Thus
, Linking Words
this
is really dangerous for the kid because five Linking Words
years
later, she Use synonyms
is
easily Unnecessary verb
apply
to get
sick because of Change the verb form
gets
overweight
that she got from sugar consumption.
Correct your spelling
the weight
Additionally
, Linking Words
obesity
can bring a health issue like Use synonyms
diabetes
. Normally, people who Use synonyms
Add a missing verb
are exposured
exposured
to Correct your spelling
exposure
exposed
this
disease Linking Words
have
Verb problem
are
ages
around 25 Replace the word
aged
years
Use synonyms
above
. Correct word choice
and above
However
, the reality says Linking Words
different
. Change the word
differently
For instance
, in Kamboja, there are 40 per cent of Linking Words
children
who have Use synonyms
diabetes
. The most possible causes Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
obesity
or they were not controlling what they eat. Use synonyms
Therefore
, not only Linking Words
obesity
but Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
diabetes
become a serious problem to Use synonyms
solved
.
Change the form of the verb
solve
To sum up
, Linking Words
children
have a serious problem like Use synonyms
obesity
. Certainly, Use synonyms
this
problem Linking Words
have
effects Change the verb form
has
for
kid's healthy, Change preposition
on
such
as Linking Words
diabetes
. Use synonyms
Moreover
, the cause of it is sugar consumption that Linking Words
out
of control.Add a missing verb
is out
Submitted by wishmeluck on
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task response
Your essay addresses the topic and provides logical reasons for obesity in children as well as its consequences. However, it could benefit from more specific and varied examples to further support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs are well-organized and each contains a single clear idea. This will enhance the overall flow of your essay. Using linking words and phrases can help improve coherence.
introduction
The introduction effectively sets the stage for discussing the causes and effects of obesity in children.
example
Your essay provides concrete examples, such as the story about your friend and the statistics from Cambodia, which strengthen your arguments.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?