It is not necessary for people to travel to other places to learn about the culture. We can learn as much as from books, films and the Internet. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #travel #places #culture #books #films #internet

There may be divergent views regarding whether individuals should visit other areas to learn about the culture.

While

some

people

think it is beneficial to learn

according to

books

, movies, and websites, I am convinced by the view that learning about

cultures

from a trip is more advantageous. There are several reasons why

people

learn about

cultures

through

books

, movies and the Internet.

Firstly

, readings, movies, and online sources provide extensive information about a range of

cultures

For example

, the Internet offers a platform for diverse perspectives from

people

around the world, and social media

such

as Instagram and Facebook enable contemporary insights into different

cultures

Secondly

books

and digital resources are more convenient and

cost effective

Add a hyphen

cost-effective

show examples

compared to

traveling

Change the spelling

travelling

show examples

. They allow

people

to stay at home and access resources that they are interested in from online platforms.

On the other hand

, there are some individuals who argue that

traveling

Change the spelling

travelling

show examples

is superior to learning multiple

cultures

Trip

Add an article

The trip

show examples

enables a first-hand experience that

books

and digital resources cannot fully replicate. Engaging with locals, participating in a cultural event, and immersing oneself in the environment lead to a deeper understanding and appreciation of a culture.

Moreover

although

language can be learned through

books

and websites, immersion in

Remove the article

apply

show examples

culture through

travel

can promote practical language and oral speaking.

Additionally

travel

can provide

directly interact

Replace the word

direct interaction

show examples

with local citizens, and their traditions and daily lives can provide actual experiences.

Thus

, I strongly believe that

travel

is more beneficial than

books

and online materials. In conclusion,

although

some

people

worry that

travel

might

results

Change the verb form

result

show examples

in more expense and inconvenience, I am of the opinion that

people

are inclined to visit other cities to learn

cultures

Submitted by 842623369 on Thu Jul 18 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your essay is generally well-structured and cohesive. However, try to ensure the logical flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs is a little smoother.

task achievement

You provided a complete response to the prompt with clear and comprehensive main points. Including more specific examples could enhance your arguments further.

coherence cohesion

Work on refining your transitions between ideas to make your essay even more fluid and coherent.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame your argument.

task achievement

You successfully articulated clear and comprehensive ideas in response to the essay prompt.

coherence cohesion

The essay is well-organized with logically supported main points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

280 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

cultural immersion
authentic experiences
diverse perspectives
comprehensive
historical context
facilitates
sensory and emotional depth
holistic understanding
cultural bias
stereotypes
discernment
virtual reality
convenience of access

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It is not necessary for people to travel to other places to learn about the culture. We can learn as much as from books, films and the Internet. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

The consumption of the world’s resources (oil, and water etc) is increasing at a dangerous rate. What are the causes and solutions?

An increasing number of people are buying what they need online. what are the advantages and disadvantages for both individuals and companies to shoppin online?

In many places, new homes are needed, but the only space available for building them is in the countryside. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes there. What is your opinion about this?

Some people think that the government should strictly control the supply of fresh water, as it is a limited resource, while others say that it should not be regulated. Discuss both sides/views and give your opinion.