These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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In the modern world, there are some situations in which
women
Use synonyms
go out to work
while
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men
Use synonyms
stay at home to take care of their children. In
this
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essay, the cause of
this
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positive trend will be given. There are some reasons why
men
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and
women
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exchange their conventional roles.
Firstly
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, technological development has created new career paths for
women
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.
Therefore
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, they have more opportunities to find jobs that can sufficiently finance their lives
as well as
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their families.
Thus
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, they can make an equivalent or better income compared to males.
For example
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, careers
such
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as teacher, saler, or manager are well-paid and suitable for females as they require flexibility and emotional intelligence rather than physical strength.
Secondly
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, as society becomes more open, traditional stereotypes have vanished. Nowadays,
men
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can stay at home to look after their kids without criticism from society like they used to be in the past.
Consequently
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,
this
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development has some beneficial impacts on both genders. The first effect is efficiency in role-playing in families. To be more specific, if one of the two spouses can work better than their partner and earn more salary, the other can stay at home to take care of the family for better financial and domestic performance. Another benefit is that people are freer to choose their desired career path without being criticised by others.
For example
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,
men
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no longer have to bear the pressure of being capable of feeding the whole family
while
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women
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are not restricted to household chores anymore. In conclusion, the development of technology can give everyone more opportunities to choose a career and do what they do better
as well as
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decrease pressure on
men
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from society.

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task achievement
Your essay does a great job of addressing the prompt and providing comprehensive ideas supported by relevant examples. However, the example provided about careers suitable for females could offer more variety to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
To take your essay to the next level, consider adding a bit more depth to your main points. A further discussion on how societal change impacts both genders equally could add more depth.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is strong with clear paragraphs that flow well. To improve further, consider using more varied transitional phrases to link your ideas even more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a well-defined introduction and conclusion that nicely frame your argument.
coherence cohesion
Each of your main points is clearly supported with logical explanations and relevant examples.
task achievement
You comprehensively address the prompt and develop your ideas clearly.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • breadwinner
  • caregiving
  • paternal leave
  • societal perceptions
  • gender roles
  • flexible working conditions
  • personal preference
  • father-child relationship
  • emotional and social development
  • household responsibilities
  • career opportunities
  • professional achievements
  • balanced parenting
  • earning potential
  • social stigma
  • societal pressure
  • discrimination
  • traditional mindsets
  • resentment
  • adjustment
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