IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some feel that individuals today spend too much time following political news while others feel politics deserves greater attention. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#feel #individuals #time #news #politics #attention
These days, technology has been developing immediately, so
people
 have access to a range of things
such
 as
news
;
moreover
, a group of
people
 believe that a
lot
 of populations follow political
news
;
in contrast
, others think that the
fact
 that really essential that spending more
time
 on the work
that is
 related to our countries. I subscribe to the first idea owing to the
fact
 that political
news
 does not have a
lot
 of effect on our lives like either listening or reading it makes us angry. On the one hand, if communities spend their whole
time
 on the political elements, they will be
people
 with a
lot
 of mental issues.
In other words
, when we listen to or read the things that are not good and have a majority of falt things and have bad
news
, populations who study them think about them a
lot
;
therefore
, after a long
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
 they influence their mental health
while
 they can spend
this
time
 on the activities that improve their skills and knowledge.
On the other hand
, some
people
 think it is important that the public have more activity in politics on account of the
fact
 that
people
 are the main parts that help the government to have a good yield;
nevertheless
, they do not think about
this
fact
 that if you study have field background about the subjects they can make a decision very good;
hence
,
people
 who want to have a participation on politic the should know about it a
lot
.
To conclude
, spending a great deal of
time
 on factors like politics that we do not have knowledge about is a waste of
time
 and has a
lot
 of bad influence;
although
,
people
 whose field background is related to political elements can set a plane better and they have to participate in it.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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task achievement
To improve your task response, ensure that your essay directly addresses all parts of the question. Clarify your stance and support it with well-developed ideas and relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your paragraphs in a clear and logical manner. Have each paragraph focus on a single main idea, introduced by a topic sentence and supported by relevant details and examples.
coherence cohesion
Connect your ideas more fluidly with cohesive devices (e.g., however, consequently, therefore) to help the reader follow the flow of your argument.
introduction conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are well stated, giving the essay a clear beginning and end.
coherence cohesion
You have made a good attempt at discussing both sides of the argument, which shows an understanding of the topic's complexity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • informed decisions
  • democratic participation
  • mental health
  • stress and anxiety
  • accountability
  • misinformation
  • balanced approach
  • accessibility
  • engagement
  • political awareness
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