IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many developing countries, there is a problem with declining quality of air and water from both industry and construction, causing high levels of water and air pollution. What measures could be taken to prevent this?

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Human needs and wants lead to new advancements in technology. The developments in industries and constructions cause detrimental effects on the quality of
air
Use synonyms
 and
water
Use synonyms
 in many developing nations.
However
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, a number of viable solutions can be developed to mitigate the above issue. It is not a hidden secret that, in the chase for increasing economy and quality of life in their country, everyone is adopting many new technologies and encouraging industrialization.
However
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,
this
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 is leading to many consequences
such
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 as an increase in pollution and
tamper
Wrong verb form
tampering with
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 the purity of basic necessities
such
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 as breathing
air
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 and drinking
water
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and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
causing many deaths.
For instance
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, people from an Indian village consumed
water
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 which was contaminated by the discharge from the factory nearby which affected their health conditions detrimentally. And same goes for construction, as it releases a lot of carbon that was present in cement and concrete, which is later inhaled by the workers and common people. It is high time that the government took responsibility into its own hands and took necessary actions to regulate
this
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. The officials should start organising the places and areas
accordingly
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 by measuring the
Air
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 Quality Index and
Water
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 Purity Index of the places and appointing workers. They are required not only to assist in conducting campaigns in those areas so that the residents of the cities and towns get aware of the situations and their impedent problems, but
also
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 to evaluate the pollutants and carbon emissions from factories, and construction sites to report back to the government.
This
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 helps the higher committee to understand and plan how to regulate deterioration.
Moreover
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, it is crucial for the citizens to cooperate with the government and start taking recommended measures to help fight the issues of the country.
To conclude
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Correct pronoun usage
apply
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this
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, as the concern over the increase in pollution of
air
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 and
water
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due to
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 industry and construction increases in developing countries, it is important for both the people and the officials of the nation to take action together to fight against pollution by regulating the emission of carbon and waste discharges.

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coherence cohesion
To improve the score in the coherence and cohesion criteria, consider creating a clearer and more logical structure throughout your essay, employing a variety of connective words and phrases to link ideas more effectively. This includes establishing a clear progression of thought and maintaining paragraph focus without digressing from the central topic. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs should be smooth and clear, ensuring the essay is easy to follow.
task achievement
In terms of task response, it is important to fully address all parts of the prompt. Ensure that you consistently develop your main ideas with explanations and relevant examples. Each idea could be more thoroughly elaborated upon with specific and detailed evidence supporting your claims. Furthermore, strive for a balance of ideas and examples to construct a comprehensive response to the question.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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