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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people say that these celebrations are a waste of money and we should spend money on more important things. Do you agree or disagree

#people #celebrations #waste #money
Having a
fun
 time and celebrating is one of the best things to do.
Moreover
, it can fix your mood and help you meet your old friends and get to know a lot of new
people
. But sometimes
celebrations
 could get way out of control.
For example
, some
people
 spend more than 3000 dollars for a party, and they do it every month. At that point, it is obviously a waste of money,
celebrations
 are best to happen every 3 to 6 months
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because if you do it all the time, it won'
t
 be
fun
 anymore.
However
, you don'
t
 have to throw a party and celebrate to meet with old friends, you can just hang out without spending all that amount of money.
This
 will help you save more.
However
, I think
celebrations
 are really
fun
 to do, and I do not think anyone should stop celebrating just because other
people
 don'
t
 like it. Everyone is free to do what they want to do, not what others want. At that point,
while
 you and your friends are having a lot of
fun
, others who don'
t
 like
celebrations
, are sitting at home doing nothing.
In other words
, if the
celebrations
 don'
t
 annoy other
people
, and do not cost that big amount of money, I think you should keep it going. No matter what other
people
 think or say, do what makes you happy. For me, I would still celebrate all
time
Correct article usage
the time
show examples
 and not stop just because of what others say, do what makes you happy.
Submitted by h9715823 on

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task achievement
Your essay introduces relevant ideas and you make your position clear. However, consider briefly addressing possible counterarguments to present a more balanced essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction presents a clear thesis statement that outlines your stance on the issue. Your conclusion should restate this thesis and summarize the main points discussed in the essay.
coherence cohesion
Use more connectors and linking words to enhance the flow of your ideas. This will help improve the logical structure and make your essay more cohesive.
task achievement
Your ideas are clearly presented and easy to understand. The examples provided are relevant and help support your points.
coherence cohesion
You engage well with the topic and show an understanding of the question. Your argument is coherent and you maintain a clear stance throughout the essay.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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