IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The bar chart shows the percentage of adult male smokers in seven countries along with the world average in 2000 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The bar chart shows the percentage of adult male smokers in seven countries along with the world average in 2000 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#minutes #bar #percentage #adult #smokers #seven #countries #world #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The supplied bar chart illustrates the proportion of adult male
smoker
Fix the agreement mistake
smokers
show examples
 in seven different nations
along with
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
 average in
period
Correct article usage
the period
show examples
 2000 and 2015.
Overall
,
in contrast
, the number of male
smokers
are
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 less in 2015 rather than in the year 2000. Generally speaking, in the term 2000, Armenia calculated the high number of male
smokers
,
while
, Australia had around 30% of male
smokers
 in their country.
Similarly
, Egypt and Lebanon
contains
Change the verb form
contain
show examples
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 equal amount of male
smokers
 around 35%. In Cuba, a fractional decrease can be seen in the population of male
smokers
.
Furthermore
, in the span
2015
Change preposition
of 2015
show examples
, some countries show decrement in adult
smokers
, especially
bangladesh
Change the capitalization
Bangladesh
show examples
 had
show
Wrong verb form
shown
show examples
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
show examples
 in
smokers
 from over 60% to about 40%.
On the other hand
, there is
slight
Add an article
a slight
the slight
show examples
 expansion in the number of
smokers
 in the countries like Egypt and Lebanon.
Moreover
,
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
 nations
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 same amount of
smokers
 at around 50% in countries like Armenia, Egypt and Cuba.
Submitted by kirivlogs0 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words smokers with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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