IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

some people think that competitive sports have a positive effect on the education of teenagers while others argue that the effect is negative. discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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Competitive
sports
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 play a significant role in the
education
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 of teenagers. Individuals think that competitive
sports
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 have either a positive or negative impact on teenagers containing an
education
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.
This
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 essay will describe these statements clearly. The positive effect of
sports
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 is creating a balance in the
students
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, so they can heal their souls by playing
sports
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.
In contrast
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, the
students
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 can forget their tasks and responsibilities because they have too much fun playing
sports
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.
To begin
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 with, competitive
sports
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 are believed to have a positive effect on
education
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 for improving physical health. Regular physical activity can increase concentration, reduce stress, and enhance mental well-being, leading to better academic performance.
For instance
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,
students
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 following
sports
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 appropriately will have a good life cycle, so they can follow the studying process without health problems.
Therefore
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, following
sports
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,
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apply
show examples
will balance
students
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’ lives because they can maintain their body condition.
On the other hand
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, some people
also
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 argue that a profound interest in
sports
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 can have negative effects on
education
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. Too concerned about
sports
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 can distract
students
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’ main goal of
education
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 because they focus on
sports
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 over studies.
For example
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,
students
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 who are obsessed with
sports
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 will waste their whole time playing
sports
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, which will cause they do not follow the study process and forget all of the tasks and responsibilities. In conclusion,
while
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 competitive
sports
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 offer significant benefits
such
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 as improving physical health, reducing stress, and enhancing concentration, they can
also
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 present challenges if not balanced with academic responsibilities. It is crucial for
students
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 to engage in
sports
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, ensuring that their passion for physical activities does not interfere with their educational goals. A healthy balance between
sports
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 and academics will allow
students
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 to reap the benefits of both, fostering holistic development.

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task achievement
Make sure that the introduction clearly presents both sides of the argument in a balanced manner before stating that the essay will discuss these sides.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your arguments, including studies, statistics, or real-life examples.
task achievement
Work on developing each main point in more detail to provide a more nuanced discussion of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and is well-developed around that idea.
coherence cohesion
Use more varied transition words and phrases to improve flow and connectivity between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a good structure.
task achievement
Both sides of the argument are addressed, showing an understanding of the complexity of the issue.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • promote a healthier lifestyle
  • valuable life skills
  • mental focus
  • teamwork and communication
  • time management
  • stress relief
  • neglecting academics
  • intense pressure
  • physical injuries
  • mental stress
  • time commitment
  • fear of failure
  • emotional well-being
  • academic performance
  • balancing sports and academics
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