IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

You and your colleague want to use a company room. Write a letter to your manager and ask for permission. In your letter, you should: explain why you need the room describe which room you need and why tell what changes you’ll need in the room

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I am writing to you to seek your permission
for using
Change preposition
to use
show examples
 one of the rooms of your company.Let me tell you the necessity of arranging a room. Mr Watson and I have been struggling hard to bring work /life balance for employees. Mr Watson is a senior executive, and it has been brought to our attention that personnel of our company are depressed and displaying poor performance.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is necessary to arrange a seminar on stress management. I want to inform you that the room on the ground floor is needed most. It is owing to senior guest speakers, who will make our workers understand how to tackle pressure.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it will not be a hindrance to the smooth running of other department’s work. Would you be kind enough to provide microphones, a water bottle
along with
Linking Words
 a copy and a pen on each table? There is no need for other technological gadgets except an overhead projector. I look forward to hearing from you. Yours faithfully,

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Coherence and Cohesion
Try to separate the request and explanation into distinct paragraphs for easier readability. This will enhance clarity and help the reader to follow your reasoning more easily.
Task Achievement
Include a brief closing remark, like expressing appreciation for your manager's consideration. It adds politeness to the letter.
Task Achievement
The purpose of the letter is clearly stated, and the need for the room is well justified with an explanation of the stress management seminar.
Task Achievement
The letter maintains a formal and respectful tone throughout, which is suitable for a letter to a manager.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure of the letter is logical, with a clear progression from the need for the room to the specific requirements for its use.
Coherence and Cohesion
The letter includes a courteous closing, "I look forward to hearing from you. Yours faithfully," which is ideal for professional correspondence.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

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