IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some scholars believe that gaining knowledge in various fields is more beneficial than focusing solely on their main subject.
While
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 some others view that dedicating all their time and attention to their core studies is the most effective path to academic success. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both views and explain my opinion to strongly agree with the first statement, as learning multiple disciplines can foster broader expertise and adaptability. On one hand, people who explore subjects beyond their major often become more versatile and better prepared for the modern workforce. Exposure to different fields allows them to build a diverse skill set and expand their professional network. In today's fast-paced work environment, employers increasingly value individuals who can approach problems from multiple angles.
For instance
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, a finance graduate with strong data analytics skills is likely to be more competitive in the job market, as they can combine financial expertise with technical proficiency to deliver more accurate and insightful analysis.
On the other hand
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, concentrating on one’s primary field of study enables students to specialize deeply and achieve academic excellence.
This
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 focused approach can be particularly advantageous in careers that demand expert knowledge,
such
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 as medicine, engineering, or accounting.
For example
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, finance or accounting graduates who master their core curriculum may have a higher likelihood of being recruited by top-tier accounting firms. In conclusion,
while
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 focusing on a main subject can deepen expertise, I believe that broadening knowledge by exploring other subjects is
also
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 important. in an increasingly interdisciplinary world, students who have diverse skills are more adaptable and better positioned for long-term career success.

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task achievement
Ensure that your thesis statement clearly reflects your position in a more nuanced way, possibly noting that both approaches have their merits while leaning toward one.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences in each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument more effectively. This will improve the logical flow of your ideas.
task achievement
Consider integrating more examples or elaborating more on the implications of your points for a stronger argument overall.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear argument and provides relevant examples to support your views, demonstrating good engagement with the topic.
coherence and cohesion
You maintain a formal tone throughout your essay, which is appropriate for an academic context.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
What to do next:
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