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Band 7.5

Historical objects should be brought back to their country of origin. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#objects #country #origin
In the past, for many centuries, stronger empires had taken the historical treasures of their colonies or just weak areas. But nowadays, some countries want and require to send their historical objects back to their origin place. In my opinion, I would agree with
this
 statement because of some reasons,
such
 as history and modern values.
First,
there are traditional and historical values for local people and connection with ancestors.
For example
, the statues, monuments, or gold that were sent to strong countries like the UK or the colonial empire of Spain. The UK had taken the monuments and statues from Egypt,
although
 nowadays they wished to get them back, and the UN saw their asks. Egypt took valuable things like the bodies of pharaohs from the first century and gold from the pyramid. They had said that these things were the history of their areas and lives and that the big ones killed the small ones to take the best things, and violence was the only thing they had.
Second,
today in the whole world there are so many tourists, and half of them want to see the beautiful statues of the gods of the Greeks or the monuments of Actecs. And
this
 is the economic reason. If you have a very valuable treasure, it can help you with many aspects and raise your money. Visitors would spend their money and buy the needs of the trips, and the income would be for the economy. In conclusion, there are two main reasons for the agreement of the point of view. Because of the economy and traditions, the objects should be brought back to their original place.
Submitted by bizhanalikhan6 on

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coherence cohesion
Incorporate clearer transitions between your reasons and examples. This will help improve overall readability and logical flow in your essay.
task achievement
Enhance your use of specific examples and details. This could provide stronger support to your arguments.
task achievement
You have a clear and relevant response that addresses the prompt effectively.
coherence cohesion
You have structured your essay logically, with distinct paragraphs for each main point.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion concisely sums up your argument, reinforcing the points you've made.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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