In one countries, owning a house rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the cause? Do you think thisi is a positive or negative situation?
Nowadays, it is a
trending
for a family to buy a Replace the word
trend
house
rather than renting
a Wrong verb form
rent
house
because it indicates the
stability and Correct article usage
apply
independency
. There are many root causes for Correct your spelling
independence
this
trend such
as people
's mindset and increase
pricing in renting Wrong verb form
increased
house
. Fix the agreement mistake
houses
Nevertheless
in
my opinion, I think Add the comma(s)
, in
such
situation
in Correct article usage
a situation
one
country can make certain people
prone to depression.
There are so many viable reason
for Change to a plural noun
reasons
people
wanting to own than to rent
a house
because having your own house
means you have achieve
stability. Fix the infinitive
to achieve
Moroever
, it Correct your spelling
However
also
lift
up your Change the verb form
lifts
images
Fix the agreement mistake
image
infront
of your neighbourhoods, relatives and parents. Correct your spelling
in front
For instance
, in the
country like Bhutan parents are not happy unless their children have their own Correct article usage
a
house
. Owing to such
social pressure can leds
to a mentality that you ought to have your own home. Correct your spelling
lead
Furthermore
, the rent
is rising day by day making it hard for tenant
to Add an article
a tenant
affort
which resulted in making them Correct your spelling
afford
effort
to
desire their own Change the verb form
apply
house
. for example
, in Australia
we have to pay Add a comma
Australia,
rent
every week and the minimum rent
for three
Correct determiner usage
a
bedroom
apartment is no less than 600 Correct your spelling
three-bedroom
aud
. Correct your spelling
AUD
Hence
, so many tenants come to realise that its
better to buy a Correct your spelling
it's
house
than to pay rent
every week.
I believe that this
kind of trend can create chaos in the coummunity
of Correct your spelling
community
one
country as all the people
are not in
Change preposition
on
same
level economically. The middle class family Change the article
the same
and
particularly the poor Correct word choice
apply
one
can also
wants
to own a Change the verb form
want
house
but they cannot afford to have one
which may results
in depression. It is very obvious that paying Change the verb form
result
a
Correct article usage
apply
rent
weekly is better than buying a house
at once for some of
Change preposition
apply
people
. For
example
Add a comma
example,
i
am here in Change the capitalization
I
australia
as international Change the capitalization
Australia
students
who works limited hours and for someone like me it Fix the agreement mistake
student
better
to Add a missing verb
is better
rent
house
than to own a Add an article
a house
house
. Additionally
, from my personal experience renting a house
can be a thrilling moments
as we get chances to explore different Correct the article-noun agreement
a thrilling moment
thrilling moments
location
, Fix the agreement mistake
locations
style
and Fix the agreement mistake
styles
also
fresh neighbourhood
.
Fix the agreement mistake
neighbourhoods
To conclude
, owning house
can be very appealing and stable to some Add an article
a house
people
but nevertherless
Correct your spelling
nevertheless
this
kind of situation can also
create some social and mental issues to
those Change preposition
for
people
who cannot afford it.Submitted by ugyenyangzom42 on
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coherence cohesion
Make sure to clearly separate your ideas into distinct paragraphs. Each paragraph should present a single main idea, supported by relevant examples.
task achievement
Pay attention to language accuracy and variety to enhance clarity and precision. Double-check for minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing.
task achievement
Support your main points with a range of specific, detailed examples. This will help to strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Work on logically structuring your essay with smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs to improve the overall flow.
task achievement
The essay addresses both parts of the question: why owning a house might be important in some countries and whether this is a positive or negative situation. This shows a good understanding of the task requirements.
task achievement
Your essay provides specific examples, such as references to Bhutan and Australia, which help to illustrate your points effectively.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, summarizing the key points adequately. This provides a clear opening and closing for your essay.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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