Million of dollars are spent on space research every year. Some people argue that the money should be spent on improving living standards on Earth. Do you agree or disagree?
One of the most controversial topics today relates to whether huge budgets should be allocated to enhance living
standards
instead
of exploring space
. In this
essay, I elaborate on the reasons why I totally oppose this
view from the viewpoint of developing new technology
and of
expanding mankind's perspective.
The primary reason why I Change preposition
apply
diagree
with the opinion that focusing money on changing citizen's living Correct your spelling
disagree
standards
should be put first is that space
research contributes to develop
Change the verb form
developing
technology
. As space
is extraordinary
environment for Add an article
an extraordinary
human-being
, it needs to invent new Correct your spelling
human beings
technology
or combine with
Correct pronoun usage
it with
existent
ones to advance them to go or to stay. Replace the word
existing
Thus
, owing to the attempts to explore space
, humankind is likely to obtain something new that can be applied to our life
. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
For instance
, from research on carbon products for spacecrafts
, humans could gain light and hardy materials for some vehicles which feature better millage and higher safety. Correct your spelling
spacecraft
Consequently
, this
development bolsters their living standards
.
Another justification for my standpoint is that mankind can broaden their
horizons. Since astronomy is hardwired with other scientific fields like physics, if researchers discover new theories they will become a breakthrough to address their looming problems. A good illustration is power production. Correct pronoun usage
its
Although
they are mainly dependent on petroleum currently, it will be possible to find new measures to produce green and sustainable energy source
through studying astronomy. In doing so, their living conditions will be dramatically improved.
In conclusion, despite the opinion that improving citizen's daily life should be prioritised Fix the agreement mistake
sources
instead
of space
exploitments
, I vehemently disagree with Correct your spelling
experiments
this
view. Thanks to developing related technology
through astronomy and expanding their horizons, humankind is likely to obtain a key to improving their living standards
.Submitted by takuya13sugimoto on
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task achievement
The introduction is clear and introduces the topic well, but it could be slightly more engaging. Also, consider avoiding redundant phrases such as 'In this essay, I elaborate on.' Instead, directly state your stance and main points.
coherence cohesion
There are minor grammatical errors such as 'diagree' instead of 'disagree' and 'citizen's living standards' which should be 'citizens' living standards.' Also, changes like 'space is extraordinary environment' should be 'space is an extraordinary environment'. Proofreading your work or using grammar checking tools can improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a logical structure with clear paragraphing, and both the introduction and conclusion serve their purposes well.
task achievement
Main points are well-supported with examples, such as the development of new technology and potential green energy sources through space research.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.