IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

as well as making money, business should also have social responsibilities, to what extend do you agree or disagree

#money #business #responsibilities
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In contemporary
society
, some people believe that the firm must discharge its public responsibility to return benefits to
society
.
In contrast
, others think there is no obligation for the company to take on civic responsibilities, and the company’s primary goal is to generate profits.
However
, I completely agree with the idea that corporations should spend some time addressing social issues.
Additionally
, those who believe that companies don't have to contribute to
society
 do have a point.
First,
companies' goals are to maximize profits and divert resources toward social responsibility, which may block them from growing in the global market and decrease their competitiveness.
Second,
societal issues are considerably complex and multifaceted; to be frank,
businesses
 can not tackle the problems.
However
, I still firmly hold that
businesses
 have a responsibility to give a hand to
society
 because it benefits both sides. First and foremost, adopting socially responsible practices can enhance companies' images and reputations and contribute to long-term profitability and sustainability.
For instance
, a company from Taiwan called TSMC established a foundation to support underprivileged children, environmental conservation, and other charitable activities.
Moreover
, addressing community concerns can lead to more subsidies from the government. Governments will provide more financial support to the business,
such
 as tax breaks or other forms of assistance. From what has been analyzed above, there are still more perspectives on whether
businesses
 should devote their money or time to public challenges.I still believe
businesses
 should do
this
 because
businesses
 play an essential role in
society
.
Submitted by yuwen027 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the task and presents a clear position on the topic. However, the conclusion could better summarize the key points for increased impact.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph directly supports your overall argument and avoid slight repetition. For instance, both body paragraphs could be better differentiated in terms of their focus.
task achievement
The introduction provides a balanced view, mentioning both sides of the argument before stating your stance, which is excellent for setting up the debate.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured and flows well from one point to another, making it easy to follow your argument.
task achievement
You have included useful and relevant examples, such as the TSMC example, to support your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • social responsibilities
  • contribute
  • well-being
  • community
  • philanthropy
  • sustainability
  • ethical
  • trust
  • reputation
  • accountable
  • profit-making
  • balance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: