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Band 7

Million of dollars are spent on space research every year. Some people argue that the money should be spent on improving living standards on Earth. Do you agree or disagree?

#million #dollars #space #research #year #people #money #standards #earth
Improving living standards on the Earth is a priority, but improving
space
 exploration can establish technological advancements and innovations that benefit the world. Contrary to my opinion, I firmly disagree with
this
 notion. My explanation is justified
further
. The fundamental reason for my opinion is that investing funds in satellites is essential for the
country
's development. To explain, it can enhance economic benefits
as well as
 international collaborations.
For instance
, India recently launched spacecraft "Chandrayan 3" to the moon.
This
 accomplishment will help India's
space
 sector grow and raise the
country
's status internationally.
Furthermore
, exploring
space
 can discover advanced research.
Also
, it can be beneficial for the
country
's education because, by using
space
 data scientists can explore new technologies regarding
space
 and originate new innovations.
However
, generating better standards for comfort is
also
 required for the world. Investing funds for the population has
also
 improved the status of the
country
. If the government has spent money on facilities essential for the people,
this
 improves the
country
's GDP.
For example
, if the government should expand education, healthcare, poverty reduction, and infrastructure,
then
 the
country
 will become an industrialized
country
, which has not been globally developed.
In addition
, spending money on the population will enlarge their businesses and they will pay high taxes to the government, which will
also
 improve the financial condition of the nation.
Such
 as the famous Indian businessman Anil Ambani, a billionaire of India, every month he pays around 3 to 4 crore in taxes and because of
this
, the
country
's poverty is reduced. In conclusion, when allocating funds for
space
 and living conditions, the funding should be distributed equally between both, because they are both necessary for becoming a Global North
country
.
Submitted by janvi.bhuva2000 on

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task achievement
Your introduction could be clearer. While you stated your opinion, the sentence structure is confusing. Try to make your stand clearer and more precise.
task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your points are fully developed. While you have provided arguments for both sides, your reasoning could be elaborated further.
coherence cohesion
Work on your transitions between ideas. Use connective words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to review your spelling, grammar, and overall sentence structure. Clear and accurate language can make your arguments more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This makes it easy to follow your arguments.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples to support your points, which adds credibility to your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • space exploration
  • technological advancements
  • scientific discoveries
  • astronomy
  • satellites
  • international collaboration
  • economic benefits
  • living standards
  • infrastructure
  • education
  • healthcare
  • poverty reduction
  • distribute funds
  • resource allocation
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