IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some believe that younger family members should be legally responsible for supporting older family members when they become physically, mentally and financially unable to look after themselves. Do you agree or disagree?

It is often argued that younger family
members
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 should be legally obliged to support their elderly relatives when they are no longer able to
care
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 for themselves.
While
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 some
people
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 believe that
this
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responsibility
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 should lie with the state or
care
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 institutions, I firmly think that legal
responsibility
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 should be placed on younger family
members
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.
This
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 essay will discuss the reasons for my opinion.
Firstly
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, supporting elderly family
members
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 is a moral and social obligation that should not be overlooked.
This
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 is because the older generation has typically sacrificed much to raise and educate their children.
For example
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, many parents have worked hard for decades to ensure their children have good lives. If younger
people
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 neglect them in old age,
then
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 it shows a lack of gratitude and
responsibility
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.
This
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 issue should be taken seriously, as it can lead to a breakdown of family relationships.
Secondly
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, depending entirely on the government to support the elderly can put a strain on public resources. Studies have shown that ageing populations are increasing in many countries, creating a financial burden on health
care
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 and welfare systems. If family
members
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 take some legal
responsibility
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,
people
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 will feel a stronger sense of duty to
care
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 for their parents.
Furthermore
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, it has been observed that elderly
people
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 often feel more comfortable and emotionally secure when cared for by their own family.
Therefore
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, it is
alegal
Correct your spelling
a legal
 duty that could benefit both society and the individuals involved.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 argue that not all younger family
members
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 are financially or emotionally capable of providing
this
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 support.
Although
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this
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 may be true, legal
responsibility
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 does not necessarily mean providing everything alone it could involve shared duties, financial contributions, or coordinating
care
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.
Hence
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, a legal framework could be flexible and supportive rather than burdensome. Conclusion In conclusion, I strongly believe that younger family
members
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 should be legally responsible for supporting older relatives who are unable to
care
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 for themselves. Governments and individuals should work together to ensure that
this
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responsibility
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 is fulfilled in a way
that is
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 fair, compassionate, and practical.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your main points in the introduction. It's good that you have done this, but make them very direct.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more often to connect ideas smoothly, like 'firstly', 'next', 'for example', and 'in conclusion'. This will help your flow.
task achievement
While your examples are relevant, try to include a few more specific examples or scenarios to support your points. This will make your argument stronger.
coherence and cohesion
You present a clear opinion and structure your essay well with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
The moral obligation aspect is a strong point, and you explain your ideas logically and reasonably.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • filial piety
  • elder care
  • aging population
  • public resources
  • state welfare
  • financial burden
  • legal mandate
  • family dynamics
  • moral responsibility
  • residency
  • integrity
  • dependency
What to do next:
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