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Band 4.5

Some people think that schools are too competitive and that this has a negative impact on children. Others believe the competitive environment encourages children to achieve. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #schools #impact #children #environment
A downright variance of view has been observed among the masses regarding the unfavourable
competititive infucence
Correct your spelling
competitive influence
 of educational institutes on
childs
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
.A social segment of society contends that the competitive environment of schools is necessary for
youngsters
Change noun form
youngsters'
youngster's
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 grooming,opponents,meanwhile,adhere to the notion of unconstructive impacts of competition on
youngsters
Change noun form
youngsters'
youngster's
show examples
 lives.The ensuing paragraphs will proffer an insight into both doctrines and explain the necessity of challenging conditions. Not endorsed by everyone,yet
appproved
Correct your spelling
approved
 by some individuals that the competitive environments
infucence
Correct your spelling
influence
adults
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adults'
adult's
show examples
 mental health in
detrimental
Change the article
a detrimental
show examples
 manner.To expand,every
humans
Change to a singular noun
human
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 has their own capabilities and strengths,
as a result
, some are good at studies ,meanwhile, some are good
in
Change preposition
at
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 sports,
hence
,it's
nature
Replace the word
natural
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 distribution.
For instance
,my friend
who has commit
Wrong verb form
committed
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sucide
Correct your spelling
suicide
,after failing
Matriculation
Correct article usage
the Matriculation
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 exams,
due to
pressure
Correct article usage
the pressure
show examples
 of social fear and failure. Disjunctive to
this
, the idea of competition among students in
centre
Add an article
the centre
show examples
 of learning acts as
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 beneficial tool which is attested by
by
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
a
myriads
Correct the article-noun agreement
myriad
show examples
 of people.The fundamental element associated with
this
 mechanism is the advantage of
enforcements
Fix the agreement mistake
enforcement
show examples
 which helps students to boast their strengths and knowledge,for getting higher grades.
Moreover
,as
this
 world is becoming
challenging
Correct quantifier usage
more challenging
show examples
 day by day,If a student faces difficulties and challenges throughout his developing years,where he has to learn about the world,
as a result
, they can prepare
himselves
Correct your spelling
themselves
 for
umpcoming
Correct your spelling
upcoming
 challenges.
For instance
,in Asia,individuals usually get
higher
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
superior employment,as they
do
Verb problem
apply
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struggle from
their
Change the word
an
show examples
 early
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
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,
due to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of support in terms of
finance and
Correct word choice
financial
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 support.
To conclude
,both arguments carry their own reasoning,logic and pragmatism.
Albiet
Correct your spelling
Albeit
,
challenging
Correct article usage
a challenging
show examples
 environment in educational institutes seems advantageous in the long run
due to
 its weighty,indispensable and fringe benefits.
Submitted by notkhan01 on

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grammar
Improve grammar and punctuation for better readability. Use consistent tenses and ensure subject-verb agreement.
examples
Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your points. This will strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
vocabulary
Work on expanding your vocabulary and using it appropriately within the context of the essay. Avoid repetition and improve word choice.
task response
You have presented both views and provided a clear opinion. This shows a good understanding of the task.
structure
Your introduction and conclusion are clear, providing a nice frame for your essay.
discussion
You demonstrate a good attempt at discussing both views and offering insights. This element of balance is commendable.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • undue stress
  • academic achievement
  • critical thinking
  • interpersonal skills
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • social isolation
  • bullying
  • reduced collaboration
  • motivation
  • achieve their goals
  • resilience
  • perseverance
  • innovation
  • improvement
  • outperform
  • higher standards
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