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Band 7

Some people believe that young people should choose the jobs that they want, but often people think they should be more realistic, and think more about their future. Discuss both views a give own opinion.

#people #jobs #future #give
Choosing a
job
 is the main part of our lives; it is
also
 hard for everyone. There are two opinions on choosing a
profession
 .
First,
students must choose their future jobs based on their
interests
.
Second,
people
 should choose their
profession
 more realistically. There are some reasons, why many
people
 prefer to choose their
profession
, which one is interesting for them. But the main reason is satisfaction,motivation and others.
People
 who select their jobs based on their
interests
 are satisfied with their
work
. If they have some problems with
work
 ,they will not give up,and their
work
 process will be more enjoyable.
For example
, 60% of
people
, who choose their
profession
 looking at their
interests
 ,have a long career.
Thus
,many
people
work
 in a field, where , they are comfortable and interested.
However
, there are some reasons that many applicants choose their
job
 from a realistic point of view.
People
 who choose their
profession
 from a realistic point usually become professionals in their sphere. The main reason that they become professionals is finance. Many
people
 take motivation from salary because salary is one of the main and important parts of
work
.
Therefore
, nowadays many students do not choose a
job
 where they are interested but choose a
job
 that pays well. In conclusion, today the majority of
people
 choose their own
profession
 relying on salary . Despite the fact that they may be professionals in the future . I personally, think that every person must opt for their future
job
 based on their
interests
 and
then
 all
people
 would be content and happy with their
work
 process and life .
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
You have achieved a complete response to the task by discussing both views and providing your own opinion. However, you could make your argument even more comprehensive by including more details and real-life examples.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical and you have included an introduction and conclusion. To improve coherence, consider using more linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are clear, but sometimes the sentences feel slightly abrupt. Develop your ideas further and provide more evidence or examples to support your arguments.
structure
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You provided a balanced discussion of both views and stated your own opinion effectively.
task achievement
The points you made are relevant and show an understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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