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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that young people should choose the jobs that they want, but often people think they should be more realistic, and think more about their future. Discuss both views a give own opinion.

#people #jobs #future #give
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Choosing a
job
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 is the main part of our lives; it is
also
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 hard for everyone. There are two opinions on choosing a
profession
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 .
First,
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students must choose their future jobs based on their
interests
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.
Second,
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people
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 should choose their
profession
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 more realistically. There are some reasons, why many
people
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 prefer to choose their
profession
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, which one is interesting for them. But the main reason is satisfaction,motivation and others.
People
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 who select their jobs based on their
interests
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 are satisfied with their
work
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. If they have some problems with
work
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 ,they will not give up,and their
work
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 process will be more enjoyable.
For example
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, 60% of
people
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, who choose their
profession
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 looking at their
interests
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 ,have a long career.
Thus
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,many
people
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work
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 in a field, where , they are comfortable and interested.
However
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, there are some reasons that many applicants choose their
job
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 from a realistic point of view.
People
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 who choose their
profession
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 from a realistic point usually become professionals in their sphere. The main reason that they become professionals is finance. Many
people
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 take motivation from salary because salary is one of the main and important parts of
work
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.
Therefore
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, nowadays many students do not choose a
job
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 where they are interested but choose a
job
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 that pays well. In conclusion, today the majority of
people
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 choose their own
profession
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 relying on salary . Despite the fact that they may be professionals in the future . I personally, think that every person must opt for their future
job
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 based on their
interests
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 and
then
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 all
people
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 would be content and happy with their
work
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 process and life .
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
You have achieved a complete response to the task by discussing both views and providing your own opinion. However, you could make your argument even more comprehensive by including more details and real-life examples.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical and you have included an introduction and conclusion. To improve coherence, consider using more linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are clear, but sometimes the sentences feel slightly abrupt. Develop your ideas further and provide more evidence or examples to support your arguments.
structure
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You provided a balanced discussion of both views and stated your own opinion effectively.
task achievement
The points you made are relevant and show an understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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