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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people say that this is a positive trend, while others aComputers are being used more and more in education. Some people say that this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. Discuss both sides of this argument and then give your own opinion.

#computers #education #people #trend #acomputers #consequences #argument
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In today's contemporary world, whilst some individuals give credence to computer facilitation in their education, in the sense of fast and better learning, others are afraid of severe repercussions by relying on machine assistance,
such
 as blunders that humans would never make. I profoundly believe that globalization grants a crucial opportunity to hitch many people's wagon to a star by using virtual help.
To begin
 with, we reside in a perpetual hurry and sometimes it is tough to lead a hectic life of constantly showing up innovations. Correspondingly, data processor help has become vital.
For instance
,
according to
 a tremendous quantity of scientific research at Harvard University, the share of students who utilize personal computer help in making their assignments tend to achieve more accomplishments, in the sense of delegating simple and mundane work to artificial intelligence.
Thus
, those students are able to focus on more chief and sophisticated tasks, in order to achieve even more rather than the rest of the group of undergraduates who consider computers as an untrustworthy thing to rely on.
However
, a certain proportion of mankind vigorously eludes machine assistance owing to anticipation of not a splendid outcome
due to
 a robotic way of thinking which can make a mighty mistake.
Moreover
, a sufficient amount of companies are not so alluring about the implementation of artificial intelligence in their production so far. The magnificent sample of it manifests in countries where production needed to be unique.
Thus
, plenty of local markets in Russia supply souvenir matryoshkas which require painstaking work with a special style of curving, not indispensable by machine.
For
this
 reason, engaging humankind's work is more valuable. To recap the aforementioned,
although
 seemingly convincing evidence to refuse the assistance of computers and other electronic devices in people's study established as justified,
nevertheless
 I firmly advocate the side of utilization of PC more because of auspicious perks.
Submitted by kirkagoglesmail on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the clarity and flow of your ideas. Some sentences are complex and could be simplified to enhance understanding.
task achievement
Ensure that all points are thoroughly developed. Some arguments, particularly in the second paragraph, could be elaborated further.
task achievement
You effectively discuss both sides of the argument, providing a comprehensive response to the prompt.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
Relevant and specific examples are used to support your main points, which strengthens your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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