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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Most modern families have both parents working and as a result children spend less and less time with their parents. What is the reason for this? What problems can this cause?

#families #parents #children #time #reason
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There is no denying the fact that in most modern families,
parents
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 are fully occupied with work, which results in them spending less
time
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 with their kids.
This
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 essay will discuss the reasons behind
this
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 controversial topic and what issues
this
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 can cause.
To begin
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 with, there are several reasons why both
parents
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 spend less quality
time
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 with their children.
Firstly
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, the cost of living is high.
In other words
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, some
parents
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 work more than one job to provide their children with a decent life.
For example
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, statistics show a dramatic increase in school tuition fees. In terms of issues,
this
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 can harm children’s psychological health. It is
also
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 possible to say, that kids need to feel connected and loved, when their
parents
Use synonyms
 fail to spend
time
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 with them, it can lead to feelings of neglect and even depression.
Moreover
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, a united family is crucial and plays a vital role in society.
For instance
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, an evaluation was conducted among several individuals involved in gambling, drug abuse, and criminal activities. The study of
this
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 evaluation indicates that the only factor they had in common was family separation. In conclusion, there are many reasons for
parents
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 to work long hours. It is
also
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 true that
this
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 can cause many harms and issues that will be impossible to solve if
parents
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 do not contribute their
time
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 to their children.
Additionally
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, awareness among families should be raised to remind them of the importance of quality family
time
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.
Submitted by m.seba770 on

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task achievement
Your essay successfully covers the task by discussing the reasons behind parents spending less time with their children and the possible issues this can cause. However, consider expanding on the points with more specific examples or studies to provide a richer analysis.
coherence cohesion
Try to ensure every paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Sometimes transitional phrases or sentences can help link your ideas more coherently and cohesively.
structure
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your arguments effectively.
task achievement
The points regarding economic pressures and psychological effects on children are well-articulated and insightful.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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