Many people aim to achieve a balance between work and other parts of lives,but few people achieve ir.What are the causes of problem? How to overcome it?

#people #aim #balance #work #parts #lives #ir

Dozens of thousands of

people

want to create a balance between

work

and their own lives.

However

, only a small percentage of

people

could create it.There are several

reasons

for

this

problem,like misunderstanding in scheduling a

day

or less amount of salary. In

this

essay, I will explain the

reasons

and solutions.

Although

many

people

aim to balance

work

and life, they cannot manage their

time

This

problem has several

reasons

Firstly

,many workers have no plans for daily

work

Therefore

,they cannot do all the tasks in

single

Add an article

a single

show examples

day

. And after that,they won't be able to spend

time

with their family.

Moreover

, another reason is less amount of payments. Several hundreds of workers cannot earn enough in

single

Correct article usage

a single

show examples

work

,and after that,they will

work

in several places at one

time

For instance

,if 1 person earns 200$ per month and

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

has 3 children,his family members should spend 1.3$ in one

day

For

this

reason

Add a comma

reason,

show examples

the father works after the first job or at night. For the mentioned

reasons

millions of

people

are not able to create a perfect

day

. Adults can solve

this

problem in several ways. One of the best solutions is to create a comfortable and best timetable. With a timetable, a person can do all tasks on

time

Additionally

, if

people

do all projects and tasks on

time

,they won't

work

after

work

time

or at night. After that,they will have free

time

to chat with their family or play with their children.

Furthermore

, another way of solving for less amounts of payments is

the

Change preposition

for the

show examples

government should increase salaries amount. In conclusion, if humans do all things on

time

,they won't have to

work

after ending of the workday.

Moreover

although

, a lower salary seems not enough,if the government does not increase the number of payments,workers cannot manage their budget.

Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on Thu Sep 26 2024

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task achievement

Your essay addresses the key points of the prompt, but further elaboration on each point would strengthen your response. Try to also add more specific examples to illustrate your points.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the logical flow can be improved by using more transitional phrases and linking words to better connect your ideas.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing the discussion effectively.

task achievement

The arguments presented are relevant and related to the topic. You have successfully identified and explained the causes and solutions to the problem discussed.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

296 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many people aim to achieve a balance between work and other parts of lives,but few people achieve ir.What are the causes of problem? How to overcome it?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In many countries, very few young people read newspapers or follow the news on TV. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones.

Some believe that more young people hold the important positions in government, while others believe that the young people should not. Discuss both views and provide your own opinion with relevant examples.

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?