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Band 5.5

TASK 2: Many people aim to achieve a balance between work and other parts of lives, but few people achieve it. What are the causes of the problem? How to overcome it?

#people #aim #balance #work #parts #lives
The issue of balancing between our job and our lifestyle has become a subject of discussion in recent years. Some people manage to balance their lives
while
 others can't.
This
 essay will discuss the causes of
this
 situation and provide some solutions. First and foremost. To have a good
life
 we need to fulfill our needs.
Such
 as having family and friends to be with.
Also
, taking care of our bodies. Doing regular exercises and eating healthy meals
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 crucial to have a great
life
.
Moreover
, of course, we need achievements in our careers. So we can have money to establish all these things I mentioned above we need to
work
.
Therefore
. Having a job is important as the other parts of our
life
.
However
, it
does
Verb problem
is
show examples
 not
suppose
Wrong verb form
supposed
show examples
 to ruin our social and healthy
life
. To address the problem of not balancing our
life
.
Firstly
,
time
 management is the key. 90% of people fail to
fulfilled
Change the verb
fulfil
show examples
 their other parts of
life
 because they do not know how to manage their
time
. They just waste their
time
 on phones and video games after
work
. Rather than spending
time
 with their family or going to the gym.
Secondly
, having a task schedule could actually help. You can track yourself by the schedule.
As a result
 of that, you will be more aware of what you do in the day.
Finally
, taking days off from
work
 to relax and enjoy some
time
 with your loved
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 is a good idea. In conclusion, having a balanced
life
 with
work
 and other
life
 parts depends on
time
 management. Everyone should be aware of that.
Submitted by reem.rz112 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Using linking words and phrases can help connect ideas and make the essay flow better.
task achievement
You should provide more specific examples and details to fully support your points. This will strengthen your task response and make your argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This makes the essay easy to follow.
task achievement
The main points are generally clear and relevant to the topic, addressing both causes and solutions to the problem of balancing work and life.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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