Some people think that it is necessary to travel abroad to learn about other countries. Others however, believe it is unnecessary because TV and the Internet can give all the same information. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #travel #countries #tv #internet #information

It is argued by many individuals that if you want to learn about new territories,

then

you need to travel

those

Change preposition

to those

show examples

countries

personally.

Whereas

some believe that same information is provided on

internet

and

as well. I completely agree

Change preposition

with

show examples

the ideas and will support my opinion in

this

essay. Commencing the first idea, learning new things about different

countries

in the world is important and

this

can only be done

through

Change preposition

show examples

visiting those states personally because through

this

one

will get

real life

Add a hyphen

real-life

show examples

experience there.

Moreover

, they will

also

get detailed knowledge about the cultures and traditions, which is only possible through

fact to face

Correct your spelling

face-to-face

show examples

interaction with the natives.

Also

Add a comma

Also,

show examples

they will be able to know about their dishes and will be able to taste them, which is not possible through the

Correct article usage

the internet

show examples

internet

Capitalize word

Internet

show examples

For example

, Pakistan is a hub of many traditions.

One

can only learn

it's

Replace the word

its

show examples

norms and values through visiting

different

Add an article

a different

the different

show examples

area

Fix the agreement mistake

areas

show examples

that

are

Change the verb form

show examples

enrich

Wrong verb form

enriched

show examples

in cultures, like Sawat, KPK,

Sindh

Correct word choice

and Sindh

show examples

. All these places have distinct

culture

Fix the agreement mistake

cultures

show examples

, which can only be

exprienced

Correct your spelling

experienced

after visiting them. Moving to the second idea,

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

it is the time of social media and

every thing

Correct your spelling

everything

show examples

is available on the

internet

in the form of articles, blogs

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

video clips etc. So, it is easier for today's generations

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

they can not only learn about the culture of foreign

countries

, but

also

they can see

country's

Correct article usage

the country's

show examples

landscapes, foods and traditional outfits in pictures and videos, which is similar to

real life

Add a hyphen

real-life

show examples

touch.

Furtheremore

Correct your spelling

Furthermore

, learning through the

internet

and

also

saves the

traveling

Change the spelling

travelling

show examples

expenses of the people. But no

one

can deny the fact that it is the

illusionto

Correct your spelling

illusion to

illusion

get the charm of live experience and atmosphere through

internet

Correct article usage

the internet

show examples

and

. Let's take the example of Turkey, which is a famous tourist destination because of

it's

Replace the word

its

show examples

fabalous

Correct your spelling

fabulous

cuisine and beautiful places. It is possible to get information about their cuisine and beautiful landscapes

inform

Correct your spelling

in form

show examples

of pictures and videos, but

still

Add a comma

still,

show examples

one

can not taste and feel the real atmosphere of those particular areas.

Hence

, it is proven that every single knowledge about nations, is available on the

internet

and

, but if

one

want

Change the verb form

wants

show examples

to experience the real taste of their dishes and want to

breath

Replace the word

breathe

show examples

in their atmosphere,

then

it is important to visit those

countries

personally.

Submitted by hadiyanasir73 on Thu Sep 26 2024

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language and style

Try to introduce more complex sentence structures and a variety of vocabulary to make your writing more compelling and engaging.

language and style

Work on improving grammar and punctuation. There are minor errors throughout the essay that can be corrected to make your argument and points clearer.

coherence and cohesion

Always make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next and relates back to the main thesis. This can improve the overall flow and readability of your essay.

supporting points

Include a broader variety of examples and evidence to support your main points. This will make your argument more robust and convincing.

introduction

The introduction clearly states both views and provides your stance on the topic, which sets a clear direction for the essay.

supporting points

The examples provided are clear and relevant, particularly the one about Pakistan, which adds depth to your argument.

task achievement

The essay addresses both perspectives comprehensively and provides a balanced discussion, making it a well-rounded response to the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
32Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

389 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think that it is necessary to travel abroad to learn about other countries. Others however, believe it is unnecessary because TV and the Internet can give all the same information. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

The rise of social media has affected personal relatioships and society as a whole. Do the advantages of using social media for communication outweigh the disadvantages ?

Some people believe that sport has an important role in society. Others, however, feel that it is nothing more than a leisure activity for some people. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actor, singer or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead

Many people believe that playing games teaches us about life while others believe that children waste their time by playing games. What is your opinion?