it is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?
These days, many
people
argue that it is important for their professional and personal lives to take risks
. This
essay believes that there are more benefits of
having Change preposition
to
this
mindset, such
as the possibility of finding what we actually like to do in life
and encourage
us to be more confident.
Wrong verb form
encouraging
To begin
with, taking risks
in life
often scare
Correct subject-verb agreement
scares
people
because of the feeling of uncertainty about the consequances
of their choice. Correct your spelling
consequences
However
, in most cases, if they choose to take the
Correct article usage
apply
risks
, either in their work life
or personal life
, such
as taking the opportunity to be a leader in a team or even just trying new
hobby, they will higher Add an article
a new
the
chance of discovering what they like to do in Correct article usage
apply
life
. For instance
, many students in Indonesia who learnt science in their highschool
chose to major in social studies when they Correct your spelling
high school
enter
college. Wrong verb form
entered
This
is simply because they try to take the risk and pursue the career that they desired
.
Wrong verb form
desire
This
mindset of people
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
also
encourage
them to be more confident in Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
taking
Correct your spelling
making
life
choices, such
as studying abroad or commiting
to someone for the rest of their Correct your spelling
committing
life
. After they perform
a Verb problem
make
life
-changing decision, it will boost their confident
and give Replace the word
confidence
the
Correct your spelling
them
feeling
of Correct article usage
a feeling
secure
. Replace the word
security
For example
, a recent research found that people
tend to be more happy after they made
big decisions in Wrong verb form
make
life
.
In conclusion, sometimes, we have to take risks
in life
. Because that is
the only way to discover what we actually like to do or to be in this
life
.Submitted by ethia.oktaviani on
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task achievement
Expand on the examples given by providing more detailed and varied ones to strengthen the arguments. For instance, mentioning other fields or contexts where risk-taking has led to significant positive outcomes would enhance the essay.
coherence cohesion
Improve the coherence of the essay by ensuring smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs. For example, use more linking phrases such as 'moreover,' 'in addition,' or 'furthermore.'
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to minor spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'consequances' which should be 'consequences' and 'higher the chance' which should be 'increase the chance.' These small mistakes can slightly lower the overall quality of the essay.
task achievement
The essay clearly presents an argument and maintains it throughout the text. The writer argues that taking risks has benefits in both professional and personal lives.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical flow from the introduction to the conclusion. Each paragraph supports the central argument presented in the introduction.
task achievement
The writer uses specific examples, such as students in Indonesia choosing different majors and a recent research study, to support their points.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?