it is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risks #lives

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These days, many

people

argue that it is important for their professional and personal lives to take

risks

This

essay believes that there are more benefits

Change preposition

show examples

having

this

mindset,

such

as the possibility of finding what we actually like to do in

life

and

encourage

Wrong verb form

encouraging

show examples

us to be more confident.

To begin

with, taking

risks

life

often

scare

Correct subject-verb agreement

scares

show examples

people

because of the feeling of uncertainty about the

consequances

Correct your spelling

consequences

of their choice.

However

, in most cases, if they choose to take

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

risks

, either in their work

life

or personal

life

such

as taking the opportunity to be a leader in a team or even just trying

new

Add an article

a new

show examples

hobby, they will higher

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

chance of discovering what they like to do in

life

For instance

, many students in Indonesia who learnt science in their

highschool

Correct your spelling

high school

show examples

chose to major in social studies when they

enter

Wrong verb form

entered

show examples

college.

This

is simply because they try to take the risk and pursue the career that they

desired

Wrong verb form

desire

show examples

This

mindset of

people

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

also

encourage

Correct subject-verb agreement

encourages

show examples

them to be more confident in

taking

Correct your spelling

making

show examples

life

choices,

such

as studying abroad or

commiting

Correct your spelling

committing

to someone for the rest of their

life

. After they

perform

Verb problem

make

show examples

life

-changing decision, it will boost their

confident

Replace the word

confidence

show examples

and give

the

Correct your spelling

them

show examples

feeling

Correct article usage

a feeling

show examples

secure

Replace the word

security

show examples

For example

, a recent research found that

people

tend to be more happy after they

made

Wrong verb form

make

show examples

big decisions in

life

. In conclusion, sometimes, we have to take

risks

life

. Because

that is

the only way to discover what we actually like to do or to be in

this

life

Submitted by ethia.oktaviani on Fri Sep 27 2024

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task achievement

Expand on the examples given by providing more detailed and varied ones to strengthen the arguments. For instance, mentioning other fields or contexts where risk-taking has led to significant positive outcomes would enhance the essay.

coherence cohesion

Improve the coherence of the essay by ensuring smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs. For example, use more linking phrases such as 'moreover,' 'in addition,' or 'furthermore.'

coherence cohesion

Pay attention to minor spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'consequances' which should be 'consequences' and 'higher the chance' which should be 'increase the chance.' These small mistakes can slightly lower the overall quality of the essay.

task achievement

The essay clearly presents an argument and maintains it throughout the text. The writer argues that taking risks has benefits in both professional and personal lives.

coherence cohesion

There is a logical flow from the introduction to the conclusion. Each paragraph supports the central argument presented in the introduction.

task achievement

The writer uses specific examples, such as students in Indonesia choosing different majors and a recent research study, to support their points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

260 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Opportunities
Growth
Innovation
Challenges
Self-discovery
Resilience
Uncertainty
Consequences
Calculated risks
Stagnation
Regret
Comfort zone
Entrepreneurship
Adventurous spirit
Thriving
Failure
Mitigate
Reap the rewards

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it is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Your opinion

Write about the following topic: Many people go through life doing work that they hate or have no talent for. Why does this happen? What are the consequences of this situation? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

some people think that social networking sites have a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What can be done to deal with this situation?

An increasing number of children are overweight which could result many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and healtg care costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem?