it is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

These days, many
people
argue that it is important for their professional and personal lives to take
risks
.
This
essay believes that there are more benefits
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
having
this
mindset,
such
as the possibility of finding what we actually like to do in
life
and
encourage
Wrong verb form
encouraging
show examples
us to be more confident.
To begin
with, taking
risks
in
life
often
scare
Correct subject-verb agreement
scares
show examples
people
because of the feeling of uncertainty about the
consequances
Correct your spelling
consequences
of their choice.
However
, in most cases, if they choose to take
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
risks
, either in their work
life
or personal
life
,
such
as taking the opportunity to be a leader in a team or even just trying
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
hobby, they will higher
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
chance of discovering what they like to do in
life
.
For instance
, many students in Indonesia who learnt science in their
highschool
Correct your spelling
high school
show examples
chose to major in social studies when they
enter
Wrong verb form
entered
show examples
college.
This
is simply because they try to take the risk and pursue the career that they
desired
Wrong verb form
desire
show examples
.
This
mindset of
people
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
also
encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
show examples
them to be more confident in
taking
Correct your spelling
making
show examples
life
choices,
such
as studying abroad or
commiting
Correct your spelling
committing
to someone for the rest of their
life
. After they
perform
Verb problem
make
show examples
a
life
-changing decision, it will boost their
confident
Replace the word
confidence
show examples
and give
the
Correct your spelling
them
show examples
feeling
Correct article usage
a feeling
show examples
of
secure
Replace the word
security
show examples
.
For example
, a recent research found that
people
tend to be more happy after they
made
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
big decisions in
life
. In conclusion, sometimes, we have to take
risks
in
life
. Because
that is
the only way to discover what we actually like to do or to be in
this
life
.
Submitted by ethia.oktaviani on

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task achievement
Expand on the examples given by providing more detailed and varied ones to strengthen the arguments. For instance, mentioning other fields or contexts where risk-taking has led to significant positive outcomes would enhance the essay.
coherence cohesion
Improve the coherence of the essay by ensuring smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs. For example, use more linking phrases such as 'moreover,' 'in addition,' or 'furthermore.'
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to minor spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'consequances' which should be 'consequences' and 'higher the chance' which should be 'increase the chance.' These small mistakes can slightly lower the overall quality of the essay.
task achievement
The essay clearly presents an argument and maintains it throughout the text. The writer argues that taking risks has benefits in both professional and personal lives.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical flow from the introduction to the conclusion. Each paragraph supports the central argument presented in the introduction.
task achievement
The writer uses specific examples, such as students in Indonesia choosing different majors and a recent research study, to support their points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
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