At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantage of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?
Nowadays, some nations have young
adults
more than old people
, advantage
of Add an article
the advantage
an advantage
this
phenomenon is the strong economy
, and one of the advantages is that
deficiency of employment, in my point of view I think that that Correct determiner usage
the
advantage
outweigh
the disadvantages.
The downside of the statement is unemployment, if the young Change the verb form
outweighs
people
in one country
are more than old ones that's what lead
to Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
fight
over Wrong verb form
fights
our
Correct pronoun usage
apply
the
jobs, a recent study in some countries found that the countries that have a large number of young Correct article usage
apply
adults
prone
to have unemployment.
Add a missing verb
are prone
On the other
hand
the Add a comma
hand,
advantage
of this
phenomenon is that the country
will have an excellent economy
, that's by having large and exciting adults
to work and development
their Replace the word
develop
country
, hence
, young people
have the passion two increase their
output of their Change the word
the
country
, a prime example is Dubai, it is one of the most successful nation
in the world, they have strong Change to a plural noun
nations
economy
due to
figure of young people
there, however
, having significant
number of Change the article
a significant
the significant
adults
will lead to viable
and successful Add an article
the viable
a viable
country
with strong
Add an article
a strong
economy
.
To conclude
, the number of young people
in some nations over the old people
is a good phenomenon and the advantage
(strong Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
economy
) outweigh the advantage
(lack of environment) Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
on
Change preposition
in
this
essay.Submitted by zakiahanafy1 on
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coherence cohesion
Try to avoid repetition of ideas or words. For example, you've repeated the word 'advantage' in a way that can be confusing. Instead of repeating, try to use synonyms or reformulate the sentence.
coherence cohesion
Improve your paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea which is expanded upon with supporting details and examples.
task achievement
Focus on providing more relevant and specific examples to back up your points. For instance, you mentioned Dubai but didn’t give specific details on how the youthful population has directly contributed to its economic success.
task achievement
Your essay clearly addresses the task prompt, discussing both advantages and disadvantages of a youthful population with a leaning towards the advantages.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which help frame your arguments and make your position clear.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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