IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that people commit crime because of poverty and social problems , while others think it is because of their bad nature .

People
Use synonyms
 think
Crime
Use synonyms
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 increased by nowadays circumstances which
are including
Wrong verb form
include
show examples
 poverty and social problems ,
while
Linking Words
 others think that
its
Change the pronoun
it
show examples
 belongs to their habitats . I think that it
istypically
Correct your spelling
is typically
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
 of social circumstances rather than their own natures . These days , the world is developing
while
Linking Words
 the number of
people
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 increasing .
People
Use synonyms
 are getting married and trying their best to solve their family problems which are
relating
Wrong verb form
related
show examples
 to money . Because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the companies can not provide
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 to
this
Linking Words
 rate of
people
Use synonyms
 . It leads to
create
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 level of poor community . For that men are fighting for will not be
starve
Wrong verb form
starved
show examples
. In South Korea , school students are
occuring
Correct your spelling
experiencing
lowbreaking
Correct your spelling
lawbreaking
low breaking
 because of their parents . Fathers who can not pay for children's studies .The fact that most of them
being
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 thieves or
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
black
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 of mafias for
earing
Correct your spelling
earning
show examples
 more money after
gratuating
Correct your spelling
graduating
school
Change preposition
from school
show examples
 .
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , some
people
Use synonyms
 think that
crimers
Correct your spelling
criminals
 will take inherent from their ancestors and they are
addicting
Wrong verb form
addicted
show examples
 to
commit
Wrong verb form
committing
show examples
Use synonyms
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
Linking Words
while
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their entire
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
The
Correct your spelling
They
show examples
 argue that some of them
facing
Change the form of the verb
faced
show examples
 with poverty and social challenges ,
not
Correct word choice
but not
show examples
 all of them resort to
crime
Use synonyms
 .
This
Linking Words
 view suggests that individuals are
doing
Verb problem
having
show examples
 immoral tendencies which are inclined to commit
Use synonyms
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
. Supporters for
this
Linking Words
 perspective often highlight cases where individuals , despite having a stable social background , still engage in criminal acts . they suggest that factors
such
Linking Words
 as greed or disregard for the law can influence
people
Use synonyms
 to commit crimes irrespective of their social circumstances .
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
overall
Linking Words
 ,
while
Linking Words
 there may be individuals who commit crimes
due to
Linking Words
 their bad nature , it seems more likely that poverty and social problems are
main
Change the article
the main
show examples
 root
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 most criminal behaviour .

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coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your essay so that each paragraph clearly addresses a single main point. Use topic sentences to guide the reader.
task achievement
Improve your grammar and spelling. There are several errors that make the essay difficult to understand at times.
supported main points
Make sure to fully develop your ideas and provide more specific examples to support your points. This will make your argument stronger.
logical structure
Consider linking your ideas more smoothly. Use connectors and transitions to create a more coherent flow of information.
coherence cohesion
Your essay successfully presents both sides of the argument, showing a fair understanding of the topic.
introduction conclusion present
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which help frame your argument.
relevant specific examples
You included relevant examples, such as the situation in South Korea, which help to illustrate your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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