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Band 5

nowadays many people complain about not getting enough sleep. what are problems caused by lack of sleep? what can be done about this lack of sleep?

#people #lack
In the
last
 years, there
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 a tendency to decrease the duration of sleep among
people
, which causes concern among specialists .One of the widely discussed is nowadays is what are the reasons for
this
 ? In
this
 essay, I will look at two main reasons for a decrease in sleep duration,
as well as
 two effects that
this
 has on
people
 and their social environment. One of the main causes of
this
 problem is
development
Add an article
the development
a development
show examples
 of technology.New technologies ,
such
 as smartphones,laptops ,
tablets
Correct word choice
and tablets
show examples
 have become an integral part of our lives.
Therefore
,
people
 have started spending a lot of time behind the screens .They
are use
Change the verb form
are using
show examples
 new technology not only for work but
also
 for entertainment purposes. The second cause that might be noted ,in my view,is
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 intense lifestyle of modern life .
People
 always are constantly on the run: work, communication, entertainment - everything takes time and effort. The consequences of sleep deprivation are extremely negative .The first cause mentioned above has led to
reduce
Wrong verb form
reduced
show examples
 mental activity and concentration .
This
 contributes to the fact that
people
 experiencing sleep deprivation become more distracted,
their
Correct word choice
and their
show examples
 ability to analyze and make decisions deteriorates. Another problem that follows is that lack of sleep affects physical and mental health .The lack of sleep can lead to various diseases
such
 as cardiovascular disease, diabetes, and even depression. Psychoemotional problems, in turn, can lead to a deterioration in relationships with others:
people
 become more aggressive ,withdrawn and often unable to calmly and adequately respond to stressful situations. Having weighed everything mentioned
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
,we can come to
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 conclusion that understanding all of the above causes and influences is an important step towards improving the quality of life and restoring harmony in relationships with others.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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task achievement
The essay should include more specific examples to strengthen the arguments and provide concrete illustrations of the points made. For instance, mentioning specific studies or statistics related to sleep deprivation can make the argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
While the essay flows well, there are areas where the logical structure can be enhanced. For example, ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next will improve overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each main point is fully supported with detailed explanations. Expand on how exactly technology or lifestyle contributes to sleep deprivation, and delve deeper into how these factors affect individuals.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction that sets the context and a conclusion that summarizes the points discussed. This structure helps in maintaining a coherent narrative.
task achievement
The main causes and effects of sleep deprivation are clearly identified, which demonstrates an understanding of the issue at hand.
task achievement
The language is generally clear and the ideas are communicated effectively. There is a good use of vocabulary and varied sentence structures.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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