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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people believe that it is better to get advice from old people compared to young people. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion and include relevant examples.

#people #advice
It is widely believed that the elderly give
advice
 better than the young. Personally, I can neither completely agree nor disagree with
this
 statement for a variety of reasons. I partly agree that the
advice
 from the old is an important value to others. One of the main reasons can be that seniors often have a lot of experiences with failure, success and anything they see.
This
 means that they often have a good view when assessing the problems in their life, and from it, they can learn and give solutions to solve those problems easily.
In addition
, their view is often deeper and more valuable for any field of life.
On the other hand
, I disagree with the viewpoint that suggestions from young
people
 are not better than old ones.
Firstly
, nowadays the youth can adapt quickly to the development of modern society and from it, they can have a lot of interesting ideas to advise someone.
This
 is because they are often ready to experience new things;
therefore
, their recommendations will be helpful to those who want to follow the trends of modern society.
For example
, when I need consultation from someone for my job, I always get help from my friends , not my parents or any old
people
, because I think my friends can understand the trend of my career and will give me helpful ideas. In conclusion,
although
 it is commonly argued that it is better to get
advice
 from old
people
 compared to young folks, I'm convinced that young
people
 can give me
advice
 suitable to my age and my mind than the old.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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coherence cohesion
The essay presents some issues with coherence and cohesion. There are noticeable logical jumps with limited use of linking devices which sometimes results in a lack of clarity when transitioning between ideas. To improve, focus on building clear logical connections and utilize a variety of cohesive devices to enhance the readability of your essay. Consistently use these devices to connect your ideas fluently.
task achievement
The response partially addresses the task, presenting both views to the extent required, though it seems rather simplistic and the ideas could be more fully extended and developed. Ensure you fully elaborate on all points to provide a well-rounded argument. Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures and refine your thesis statement to clearly express your stance on the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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