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Writing Samples
Band 7

‘Some schools are very strict about their school uniforms and the appearance of their pupils, while other schools have a very relaxed dress code. What are the advantages and disadvantages of children of having a school uniform?

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It is known that schools take measures to maintain discipline, one of them being
Use synonyms
dress
Correct article usage
the dress
show examples
 code.
However
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, not every educational facility supports the idea that having strict rules for clothes affects the effectiveness of schooling.
Although
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 having no
dress
Use synonyms
 policy has certain benefits, I believe that the drawbacks are greater. Initiating with a few benefits, applying attire regulations helps students feel the involvement in the
school
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 community. Wearing the same clothes in the same palette and style allows pupils to be equal and have the same starting opportunities. Every pupil in
school
Use synonyms
 comes from a different social class and, in some cases,
this
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 might become a major problem, where some of them become the target of mockery
due to
Linking Words
 their advantages of career choice.
However
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,
school
Use synonyms
 uniform eliminates the problem at the root. Another positive side of having a
school
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 uniform is that it reduces bullying or any prejudiced behaviour about looks or choices of the brand towards anyone.
For instance
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, rich and poor can sit together and exchange information with each other without any conflicts.
On the other hand
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, there are many disadvantages as well. The first and foremost is that fashion allows people to express their individuality,
therefore
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, having strict regulations puts scholars in the shell.
For example
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, all of the pupils go through teenage years at
school
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. It is the time for finding yourself and establishing your character. On some occasions fashion comes as the only way to do so, adolescents experiment with their style and looks. Another negative side is that
school
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 uniforms are uncomfortable. Children refuse to wear the
dress
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 code because it hampers their movement. It is no secret that students spend most of their day at
school
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 where they jump, run and participate in various activities.
On the contrary
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, if there is
uniform
Replace the word
uniformity
show examples
 it becomes a burden and restricts their motions.
Therefore
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, as mentioned above, upsides are limited compared to downsides. In conclusion, I think that wearing
school
Use synonyms
 uniforms is a great tool to show equality.
However
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, there is no doubt that having a relaxed
dress
Use synonyms
 code gives students a sense of freedom and allows them to be themselves.

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task achievement
To elevate your essay to a higher score, consider integrating even more specific and varied examples that support your points. This will demonstrate a broader understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between paragraphs by using a wider range of cohesive devices and linking words. This will make your argument more seamless and easier to follow.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly sets up the discussion by presenting both sides of the argument and your personal stance, which effectively positions the reader for what's to come.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and logical structure, with well-organized paragraphs that each discuss a specific point.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples to illustrate your points, such as the idea that school uniforms reduce bullying and how fashion allows for self-expression.
coherence cohesion
Both your introduction and conclusion are well-articulated, providing a cohesive framework for your argument.
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