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Band 6

Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#children #families #amounts #money #adult #life #parents
Kids
 who were born into families that don’t have much money are better at dealing with
issues
 when they grow up than those who were born wealthy. I disagree with the statement. In my opinion,
kids
 who were raised by unwealthy
parents
 usually have to come up with a solution by themselves with limited resources. They wouldn’t think that money is a general way and the best way to deal with
issues
.
However
, there is a greater possibility that they will give up if they are frustrated, especially when their teachers and
parents
 don’t encourage them.
For example
, if one wants to study abroad, they have to struggle to get
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 scholarship
due to
 insufficient financial support and
also
 need to take a part-time job
while
 they are studying. It will blow many people away if one can overcome all the difficulties and achieve his goals.
On the contrary
, children born into wealthy families have more resources and plenty of opportunities to learn and practice. They can learn more knowledge than others through better education,
such
 as participating in different camps, cram school, or other classes to advance their skills. The key is that they completely don’t need to worry about any financial
issues
. People can get a sense of
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
 totally easier compared to others.
Somebody
Correct your spelling
Some
show examples
 would think that
kids
 born wealthy would think money is the solution to plenty of problems, yet I believe it won’t happen if their
parents
 train their
kids
 well. In conclusion, I believe children who were raised by wealthy
parents
 won’t have less skill to solve
issues
 than those who were raised by unwealthy
parents
.
Submitted by annlin900116 on

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task response
Your introduction provides a clear opinion which is good for the essay, ensure consistency throughout the essay matching the introduction and conclusion.
task response
Work on expanding and further supporting your ideas with more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen the main points made in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between ideas could be smoother. Use a wider range of cohesive devices and clearer topic sentences to introduce your paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your conclusion is balanced and reflects the arguments presented in the essay without introducing new information.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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