Increasingly, many young people are deciding to work or study in other countries. What are the causes of this phenomenon? Do you think it is a positive or negative situation?
I think going abroad to work or study is a positive situation.
We can see many
people
who are going outside of their own country
to develop their learnings or get a job. The figure for them was definitely increased than in the past. In the past, there are many barriers that prevent people
from going abroad to study or work.
Firstly
, the main reason that international workers and students increasing is the reduced barrier to using language
. It means,
we have no need to master the Remove the comma
apply
country
's new language
to adapt other
countries. Only with smartphones, Change preposition
to other
for example
, we can ask for help from other people
when we are in trouble, and translate briefly to get information walking around.
Secondly
, people
are eager to intensify their identity in various ways. For example
, there are still many things to do in their country
, countries that are small in size but have a considerable population such
as Korea, which is already filled up with professional workers and students which makes severe competition harder and harder. So people
are trying to get new experiences to enhance their language
skills as well as
intellectual knowledge.
Lastly
, a considerable amount of media productions, such
as film, drama and music made the exotic feelings of people
to
familiar and curious. International fan culture, Change preposition
apply
for instance
, made a lot of foreigners to
get induced in Korea, and they Fix the infinitive
apply
finally
learned the language
. This
kind of wave made global people
get together, and extend their interests, not stuck in their mother country
.
In conclusion, though there are many reasons that international starters are growing, the biggest cause that I think is increased passion in people
. So I think it's a
fascinating to go abroad to retain new experiences.Change the article
apply
Submitted by susie0104 on
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task achievement
Make sure to elaborate on your points more thoroughly. For instance, explain more about how enhanced identity or media productions specifically encourage people to work or study abroad. More specific examples and detailed explanations would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow between paragraphs. While each point is relevant, better transitions between paragraphs would help the essay read smoothly. Additionally, try to clearly signal the start of new arguments and their connection to the overall thesis.
coherence cohesion
For a strong conclusion, summarize the key points discussed and reinforce your overall viewpoint. A more detailed summary will help to leave a lasting impression on the reader.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt clearly and provides relevant points on why people work or study abroad. You have offered some compelling reasons and examples, which is quite commendable.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction sets the stage well for discussing the topic, and you have made an effort to conclude your argument with a summary of your views.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.