IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

You have recently started work in a new company. Write a letter to an English-speaking friend. In your letter ● explain why you changed jobs ● describe your new job ● tell him/her your other news. Begin your letter as follows:

#work #company #friend #jobs #job #news
Dear Emily, I'm writing to tell you about the job switch I made recently. My current employer gave me a huge package that includes twice the salary of my
last
 job and
also
 it comes with perks and benefits like daily allowances, and complete reimbursement of food bills.
Along with
 these, they'll
also
 pay my rent per month. My new job provides more than just higher salaries and perks, it allows me to work in the cutting-edge technology of AI. I will be working with a group of AI experts from Silicon Valley in the US for the next five years to solve a lot of problems for small businesses in India using AI. In other news, I took a pet. It's a dog, the breed is a beagle and his name's Apple. He's a young pup right now, and can barely walk. All he does is bark all day for attention, which I love to give him. I'll send you his pictures sometime later. Anyway, looking forward to hearing from you. Best wishes, Nilesh
Submitted by majumdarnilesh21 on

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task achievement
Consider expanding on the reasons why the perks and benefits are important to you. This would give more depth to your explanation for changing jobs.
coherence cohesion
Ensure there are smooth transitions between your paragraphs to enhance the logical flow of ideas.
task achievement
The letter has an engaging and friendly tone which is suitable for writing to a friend.
coherence cohesion
The letter is well-structured with clear paragraphs, each focusing on a different point.
coherence cohesion
The use of personal anecdotes, like adopting a pet, adds a personal touch and enriches the narrative.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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