IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In many countries traditional food is being replaced by international fast food. This has adverse effects on families, individuals and the society. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion

#countries #food #effects #families #individuals #society
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It is known that fast
food
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 is becoming more popular all over the world, leading to
a
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apply
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lesser consumption of
country
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 typical foods. Some think that
this
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 change in the eating habits of the people has bad effects on persons, families and the society. I think that
this
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 is true, as there are a
lot
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 of arguments,
why
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about why
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 eating fast
food
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 is
bader
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better
 than eating traditional dishes.
First
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The first
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 argument is, that traditional foods are part of a
country
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's heritage and traditions. With the increase of
the
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apply
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fast
food
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 production and
consumption
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consumption,
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 many
persons
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people
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 don't know their traditional dishes anymore and even forget how to prepare them. Young people don't learn anymore how to cook a local dish, as they aren't
intrested
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interested
 in
learing
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learning
this
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 anymore. With
this
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development
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development,
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 a
country
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 can
loose
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lose
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 one of their most important heritages. Another point is, that fast
food
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 is usually much more unhealthy than
the
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apply
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local foods, as it uses processed ingredients and a
lot
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 of sugar.
This
Linking Words
 leads to
health
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 problems like obesity, high blood pressure, diabetes and cardiovascular problems,
what
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which
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 is detrimental not only for the individuals
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 for
the
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apply
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society as the
health
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 care costs rise and the
health
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 system
get
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gets
show examples
 overloaded. In conclusion, I agree that eating a
lot
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 of fast
food
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 is bad for a
lot
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 of reasons, especially because of the loss of a
country
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's heritage and
also
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 because of the
health
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 issues induced by eating unhealthy fast
food
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.
Submitted by nadja_stenz on

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task achievement
Try to include more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. For instance, mention specific traditional dishes that are being forgotten or particular health statistics related to fast food consumption.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and spelling errors. For example, 'bader' should be 'worse', 'intrested' should be 'interested', and 'loose' should be 'lose'. Additionally, consider varying your sentence structure for a more dynamic essay.
coherence cohesion
You have structured the essay well with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
Your main points are clear and relevant to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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