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Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

In many countries traditional food is being replaced by international fast food. This has adverse effects on families, individuals and the society. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion

#countries #food #effects #families #individuals #society
It is known that fast
food
 is becoming more popular all over the world, leading to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
lesser consumption of
country
 typical foods. Some think that
this
 change in the eating habits of the people has bad effects on persons, families and the society. I think that
this
 is true, as there are a
lot
 of arguments,
why
Change preposition
about why
show examples
 eating fast
food
 is
bader
Correct your spelling
better
 than eating traditional dishes.
First
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The first
show examples
 argument is, that traditional foods are part of a
country
's heritage and traditions. With the increase of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast
food
 production and
consumption
Add a comma
consumption,
show examples
 many
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 don't know their traditional dishes anymore and even forget how to prepare them. Young people don't learn anymore how to cook a local dish, as they aren't
intrested
Correct your spelling
interested
 in
learing
Correct your spelling
learning
this
 anymore. With
this
development
Add a comma
development,
show examples
 a
country
 can
loose
Correct your spelling
lose
show examples
 one of their most important heritages. Another point is, that fast
food
 is usually much more unhealthy than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
local foods, as it uses processed ingredients and a
lot
 of sugar.
This
 leads to
health
 problems like obesity, high blood pressure, diabetes and cardiovascular problems,
what
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is detrimental not only for the individuals
,
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apply
show examples
 but
also
 for
the
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apply
show examples
society as the
health
 care costs rise and the
health
 system
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
 overloaded. In conclusion, I agree that eating a
lot
 of fast
food
 is bad for a
lot
 of reasons, especially because of the loss of a
country
's heritage and
also
 because of the
health
 issues induced by eating unhealthy fast
food
.
Submitted by nadja_stenz on

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task achievement
Try to include more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. For instance, mention specific traditional dishes that are being forgotten or particular health statistics related to fast food consumption.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and spelling errors. For example, 'bader' should be 'worse', 'intrested' should be 'interested', and 'loose' should be 'lose'. Additionally, consider varying your sentence structure for a more dynamic essay.
coherence cohesion
You have structured the essay well with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
Your main points are clear and relevant to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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