Some people believe that unpaid community activity service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example, working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood, or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #activity #service #part #school #programs #charity #neighbourhood #sports #children

It is argued unpaid social

activity

services should be part of the school curriculum .

Whereas

others do not believe in

this

nation. In my opinion, I strongly agree with the idea

due to

several reasons that will be discussed in

this

essay.

To begin

with,

The

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

unpain

Correct your spelling

unpaid

social

activity

plays a significant role in

children

and

adolescent

Fix the agreement mistake

adolescents

show examples

building personality.

Moreover

, participating in community service activities can teach them many different

live

Replace the word

life

show examples

lessons that are essential to their future.

In addition

, it enhances their confidence level and their communication skills .

For instance

children

could be more polite, patient and calm

due to

the early exposure to work circumstances.

On the other hand

, it has a huge impact on their responsibility and awareness level.

Furthermore

, joining a social

activity

is able to keep

children

more committed.

However

, they will be more responsible at

low

Correct word choice

a young

show examples

age

due to

the early exposure to work atmospheres.A recent study in the UK proves that

children

who are joining active social

activity

Fix the agreement mistake

activities

show examples

are more successful in their lives than others.

To conclude

, many people do not believe in the nation of unpaid social work .

Whereas

others do.In my opinion, I completely agree

due to

the good personality they can get it and the keep them more responsible.

Submitted by rahafalkhashti7 on Sun Sep 29 2024

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language

Work on grammar and spelling errors for a more polished essay. Ensure precision in expressing ideas; for example, instead of 'believing in this nation', use 'believing in this notion'.

structure

Structure your points in clear paragraphs. For example, divide the benefits for students and the societal benefits into separate, well-organized paragraphs.

examples

Add more specific examples to support your arguments, making them stronger and more convincing.

introduction conclusion

Refine your introduction and conclusion. Make sure your main points are briefly mentioned in the introduction, and the conclusion succinctly summarizes the essay while reinforcing your viewpoint.

arguments

You have provided relevant arguments that cover different aspects of community service's benefits.

clarity

Despite some grammatical issues, the essay successfully conveys your stance and supportive reasons.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

211 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that unpaid community activity service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example, working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood, or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now “one big traffic jam”. How true do you think this statement is? What measures can governments take to discourage people from owning cars?

some people think that public libraries are no longer necessary, while others believe that public libraries still perform useful functions.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Money spent on space exploration is a complete waste. Governments could better spend this money on other things to benefit the nation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

More and more people want to buy famous brands of clothes, cars and other items. What are the reasons? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?