Some people believe that unpaid community activity service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example, working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood, or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is argued unpaid social
activity
services should be part of the school curriculum .
Whereas
others do not believe in
this
nation. In my opinion, I strongly agree with the idea
due to
several reasons that will be discussed in
this
essay.
To begin
with,
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unpain
Correct your spelling
unpaid
social
activity
plays a significant role in
children
and
adolescent
Fix the agreement mistake
adolescents
show examples
building personality.
Moreover
, participating in community service activities can teach them many different
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
lessons that are essential to their future.
In addition
, it enhances their confidence level and their communication skills .
For instance
,
children
could be more polite, patient and calm
due to
the early exposure to work circumstances.
On the other hand
, it has a huge impact on their responsibility and awareness level.
Furthermore
, joining a social
activity
is able to keep
children
more committed.
However
, they will be more responsible at
low
Correct word choice
a young
show examples
age
due to
the early exposure to work atmospheres.A recent study in the UK proves that
children
who are joining active social
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
are more successful in their lives than others.
To conclude
, many people do not believe in the nation of unpaid social work .
Whereas
others do.In my opinion, I completely agree
due to
the good personality they can get it and the keep them more responsible.
Submitted by rahafalkhashti7 on

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language
Work on grammar and spelling errors for a more polished essay. Ensure precision in expressing ideas; for example, instead of 'believing in this nation', use 'believing in this notion'.
structure
Structure your points in clear paragraphs. For example, divide the benefits for students and the societal benefits into separate, well-organized paragraphs.
examples
Add more specific examples to support your arguments, making them stronger and more convincing.
introduction conclusion
Refine your introduction and conclusion. Make sure your main points are briefly mentioned in the introduction, and the conclusion succinctly summarizes the essay while reinforcing your viewpoint.
arguments
You have provided relevant arguments that cover different aspects of community service's benefits.
clarity
Despite some grammatical issues, the essay successfully conveys your stance and supportive reasons.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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