Some young people leave the countryside to live in cities or towns, leaving only older people in the countryside. What are the problems of this issue? What can be done to solve this problem?
It
becomes
a trend that younger generations decide to move to urban Wrong verb form
has become
areas
and leave elderly citizens in the rural area
. Fix the agreement mistake
areas
This
essay will elaborate more on the problem caused by this
phenomenon and the solution that can be used to tackle it.
To begin
with, many people move
to towns will cause a housing crisis in the cities. As many immigrants come to towns, they need to buy or build houses to live. Wrong verb form
moving
In contrast
, the land available is not equivalent to the quantity of incomers which increases time by time. Thus
, the housing area will not sufficient
for all citizens. Add a missing verb
be sufficient
For example
, there are many houses built adjacent to rivers in Jakarta, and studies showed that many of them are actually immigrants. This
issue is not solely housing
concern, it will affect Correct article usage
a housing
to
people's health who live there in Change preposition
apply
long
term.
Talking about a solution, Correct article usage
the long
government
needs to increase Add an article
the government
countryside's
Correct article usage
the countryside's
minumum
wage. As the average salary increases, it will attract young individuals to stay in the countryside. Higher income is one of the main reasons why Correct your spelling
minimum
younger
generation Correct article usage
the younger
decide
to make a career in the urban Change the verb form
decides
areas
, hence
, this
proposed policy will dissuade them. For instance
, Jakarta's regional minumum
wage is around Rp 4,800,000 per month, Correct your spelling
minimum
whereas
Tegal is only half of it. It surely influences many fresh graduates to find better
living in the towns.
In conclusion, Correct article usage
a better
housing
crisis in Add an article
the housing
the
urban Correct article usage
apply
areas
is predicted to be happened
by Wrong verb form
happen
trend
of moving to cities. Add an article
the trend
a trend
Government
, Correct article usage
The government
however
, can increase the minimum wage of
rural Change preposition
in
areas
to attract the
young people to stay.Correct article usage
apply
Submitted by chocolate10
on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Try to expand on the impact of the housing crisis in urban areas to make the argument stronger and more comprehensive. You might also want to discuss more than one problem caused by young people leaving the countryside.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between points to enhance readability. Linking sentences and cohesive devices could be refined for better flow.
task achievement
While the solution provided is valid, consider mentioning additional solutions to address the issue comprehensively, such as improving facilities and opportunities in the countryside.
coherence cohesion
Clear structure with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples to illustrate points, making the arguments more concrete and relatable.
coherence cohesion
Main points are supported with adequate explanations and examples.