IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people believe that the best way to produce a happier society is to ensure that there are only small differences between the richest and the poorest members. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #society #differences #members
The economic balance between rich and poor has been a long debate since the start of the 21st century. Most
people
 argue that every member of
society
 should have similar financial conditions so that everyone can get the opportunity to enjoy all luxuries equally.
However
, I believe that there should be at least a substantial amount of difference between the
wealth
 of rich and poor individuals.
This
 essay explains the reason, why I disagree with the statement.
Furthermore
, it briefly explains the benefits of creating variation in
wealth
 among different members of a community. To commence with, the main problem with financial balance is the loss of motivation among
people
 to start new businesses and contribute to economic development.
People
 start businesses or get an education
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they want to generate higher income and afford useful products.
On the contrary
, if there is a very small distinction between rich and poor, there would be no point in doing hard work to earn money. The monetary imbalance between certain individuals in a
society
 is essential to
develop
Wrong verb form
developing
show examples
 a sustainable economy.
On the other hand
, poor
people
 in a happier
society
 must have easy access to basic facilities at cheaper rates. In London,
for example
, only 10% of the population occupies 70% of the
wealth
,
nevertheless
, middle-class citizens can still afford basic luxury items. Economic inequality helps companies to save
wealth
 that can be used to develop advanced products. If a large amount of money is transferred to incapable individuals, these organizations would not have enough funds to work for the betterment of
society
.
To conclude
, we must
have to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
accept the fact that
besides
 some disadvantages, the difference between the economic situation between the richest and the poorest members is inevitable to grow organizations and develop useful products.
Submitted by tayyabkhalid99 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Provide a more balanced view of the topic and address both perspectives.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to improve the coherence and flow of ideas within paragraphs and between sentences.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • income inequality
  • distribution of wealth
  • social cohesion
  • social unrest
  • crime rates
  • economic equality
  • overall well-being
  • health outcomes
  • education outcomes
  • motivation
  • innovation
  • equal opportunities
  • wealth redistribution
  • economic growth
  • productivity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: