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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people argued that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. However, some people believe that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivations for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishments. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion

#people #punishments #type #crime #circumstances #motivations #account
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The judging of a criminal has always been a highly
complexed
Replace the word
complex
show examples
 and long-lasting process. The verdict for the committed
crime
 varies a lot, depending on the accused person, their motivation and the circumstances. Some believe that the punishment should not be influenced by these and be the same regardless of the type of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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crime
. The fixed punishment has many
advantanges
Correct your spelling
advantages
 when it comes to the judging system. It makes the job of the jury easier and faster, which leads to
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 increase
of
Change preposition
in
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 the number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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cases solved in time.
This
 type of solution would
also
 make the case more clear and comprehensive for
civils
Correct article usage
the civils
show examples
 involved in it.
On the other hand
, each criminal and their story
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 different. It seems unethical to treat every person the same, even if their reasons, age, social status etc. are various.
Furthermore
, the
crime
 itself can have a wide spectrum.
For instance
,
killing
Add an article
the killing
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 can be defined as a
manslauther
Correct your spelling
manslaughter
, a
murder
Replace the word
murderer
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 or a martyr. The wrongdoing is
also
 dependent on the motivation that sometimes is judged by society as accurate or even necessary. It shows how
complexed
Replace the word
complex
show examples
 is each case and that it is hard to judge everyone the same way. In conclusion, I believe that the verdict should be influenced by many issues and the accused should not be treated the same way just because the type of
crime
 they have done is similar. Not only is it unfair, but
also
 the judging system can be seen as not
believeable
Correct your spelling
believable
 or not worth trusting by the people.
Submitted by kuba.glogowski on

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coherence cohesion
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task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to better illustrate your points. This can make your argument more compelling and easier to understand.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and appropriately frame the essay's main ideas.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task effectively, giving a balanced view of both sides of the argument.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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