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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table shows the number of mobile phones sold in millions for a period of six years.

The table shows the number of mobile phones sold in millions for a period of six years.
#phones #millions #period #six #years
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The table
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
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 how many mobile phones were sold in millions from 2006 to 2012 by Nokia, Ericsson,
Samsung
Use synonyms
, Motorola, and
Apple
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, whilst the biggest
grow
Replace the word
growth
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of
Change preposition
in
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 cell
phones
Change the noun form
phone
show examples
 sales is led by
Apple
Use synonyms
,
Samsung
Use synonyms
 reached the top
in
Change preposition
of
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 the list. Ericsson, Motorola, and Nokia had to face a noticeable decline. The biggest increase in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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sales
are
Change the verb form
is
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 led by
Apple
Use synonyms
 and
Samsung
Use synonyms
.
Apple
Use synonyms
 has shown the biggest growth starting from 2.3
million
Use synonyms
 in 2007 to 135.8 in 2012.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
Samsung
Use synonyms
 has experienced
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
growth almost three times from 117 in 2006 to 396.5 in 2012 respectively, climbing to the top
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the list.
Therefore
Linking Words
, Nokia was increasing stable from 345
million
Use synonyms
 in 2006 to 475 in 2008, they started to decline progressively to 335
million
Use synonyms
 in 2012.
Also
Linking Words
, Motorola experienced a marginal slump from 210
million
Use synonyms
 in 2006 to 28
million
Use synonyms
 in 2012.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 Ericsson
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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reached its top in 2007 with 102
million
Use synonyms
, starting with 74 in 2006, the numbers decreased considerably to 28 in 2012.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words samsung, apple, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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